Oh the Joy of Side effects

Today I experienced an all new low in the pregnancy.  How can I already be having traumatic experiences like this and I’m only 9 weeks in?  First my pants rip while getting sick at work, then Logan casually passes gas in the same room as me that hits me so hard I have to run to the bathroom dry heaving, and now this.  I’ve heard pregnant women are extra emotional.  I was ready for that.  Maybe I need to have some tissues during Publix commercials and Logan needs to be a little more sensitive when sharing criticism with me, no big deal.  That seems manageable.  What I was not prepared for was crying for absolutely no reason. 

That is what happened to me today.  I was supposed to meet Logan for lunch at Panera Bread.  We had a very reasonable misunderstanding on which one we were meeting at.  Just like there is a Starbucks on every corner, there were two Panera Breads on Ulmerton and we were at different locations.  A reasonable person would chalk it up to miscommunication, drive to the other location and move on.  I am no longer a reasonable person.  I lose it.  Full on meltdown in my car.  Hysterical crying.  I can’t even speak.  I end up texting Logan that I am going to get my food to go and I’ll just see him at home later.  Because I am fully aware I am being crazy at the moment, I am able to clearly state via text message that I am not upset or angry and I fully understand how this can happen.  I finished the text with I love you.  My face, however, did not convey the same level of maturity and understanding.  If anyone walked by my car, the only logical explanation for that level of ugly crying is that I just lost all of my relatives in a plane crash.

 After 10 minutes of deep breaths and distractions, I finally put myself together enough to go inside to order some food to take back to the office with me.  I picked out what I wanted to order and went to the counter.  ‘I’ll have the pick two combo with…’ I stated calmly to the friendly young cashier.  I go to hand her my credit card and she asks the logical next question, ‘is this for here or to go?’  A normal person would respond ‘to go’ with a smile and be on their way.  I however just looked at her; tears come gushing out of my face for no reason as I whimper out ‘to go.’  I snatched my credit card from her hand and run to the bathroom.  Really?  Melt down at Panera Bread over a simple questions?  Pull yourself together man!  But I couldn’t.  I walked out of the bathroom, grabbed my to go bag, and shame ate in the car.  I ate alone, in my car while tears still rolled down my face.  The whole time in my head recognizing how crazy it seemed but no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn’t get the tears to stop.  This is a new first and a moment I will not quickly forget.