Week 15 – wardrobe malfunctions

Mmmmm… Guacamole.  Creamy avocado mixed with red onion, cilantro, lime and a pinch of salt.  (That is the simple and amazing recipe from Chipotle.)  I could eat it by the gallon.  I know it sounds like I am just sharing a pregnancy craving.  (I have been making Chipotle a little more regular on my routine.)  But I can’t help but think of the amazing flavor of guacamole every time I think of BB, since it has now grown to the size of an avocado.  We were calling the baby-to-be Pickles for a while but a sweet friend from my small group called it BB during a prayer and that has a little nicer ring to it than Pickles.  I do think Pickles is a fantastic name so don’t be surprised if Mallory gets another puppy playmate one day with that name.  BB is only about 5 inches long and 3.5 ounces but by the way I’m lookin I would think that BB is the size of a butternut squash. (Mmmmmmm… Butternut squash soup.  I need to make that soon.)

This seems about right.

BB’s newest trick is being able to make facial expressions.  It can frown, squint, grimace and wince.  If it is anything like it’s mom it will never be able to wink though.  Just squish up its face in a very uncomfortable unattractive manner that should never be used in flirtation.  If I ever were to try to wink at a boy as a way to flirt in my single days, they probably would have called 911 thinking I’m having a seizure.   Thank goodness I got that sarcastic wit from my dad to get those boys flocking towards me.

My newest trick is my flawless way of having regular wardrobe malfunctions.  On a daily basis I have someone pointing out that they can see my zipper that is down because my belly band isn’t covering it properly.  My favorite happened at a meeting earlier this week where I wore a button down top (not a maternity cut) that when I got dressed that morning looked like it still fit me just fine.  Then I went to a meeting where not once, not twice, but seven times I had the middle button pop open to expose my belly button.  Nothing screams professionalism and class like a woman with her ‘poofy’ midsection exposed.  I ended up spending the whole meeting fiddling with the stupid button hoping that I didn’t give too many people a very unwanted peep show.

Winning

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night that is also pregnant.  She is about 7 months in vs. my 4 months.  I was very excited about our date because I wanted to compare pregnancy stories and play a little game called who has it worse.  As sympathetic as Logan tries to be during my extreme highs and lows, it is a lot different when you have the ear of someone who is going through the same thing you are.  For this post, we are going to call the friend ‘winner.’  Here is how the conversation went:

Me:  So how are you feeling?

Winner:  I feel fantastic.

Me:  Did you have a hard time during the first trimester?  Nausea?  Tired?

Winner:  No, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects.  I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant until about 6 months when I finally started showing.  Before that everything was the same.  My clothes fit fine, I haven’t had any weird cravings or aversion to food or anything like that.

Me: (looking down at my very showing belly and thinking about the 4 weeks of pregnancy hangover hell that I experienced.)  How has your energy level been?  Have you been able to work out at all?

Winner:  My energy level has been great and I’ve been working out with a trainer since I became pregnant which has really helped.  I just can’t do some of the exercises and they give me modified versions of it.

Me:  (looking down at my thighs that have exploded from the weeks of choosing the couch over the gym because I could barely lift my head after work.)  That’s great!  I’m so glad to hear you have had such an easy pregnancy. (I hate you.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.)

In all sincerity, I truly am happy to hear that some people really have an easy time with their pregnancy. (Promise, no sarcasm)  The way that I feel some days I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But misery loves company.  And today I was alone.  Alone in my fluffy, out of shape, exhausted, wonderfully pregnant self.  

I might be focusing on the embarrassing self-loathing moments of pregnancy more than the wonderful part – but that doesn’t take away from the great things that I feel on a daily basis too.  I am going to be a mom!  There is going to be a mini-me running around my house.  It is going to have temper-tantrums, break things, spill things, cry and keep me up all night.  But I CAN’T WAIT!  Whenever Logan kisses my belly and says hi to BB I get more and more pumped about this transition our family is going through.  It is going to be awesome.  So while I might not be winning in the pregnancy competition, I am going to cross the finish line of this race and go home with the best prize ever.

Week 14 – Well, you sure are poofy aren’t you?

This week our baby got to experience a new first.  Our little love child traveled with us to St. Augustine for a music festival and enjoyed its first concert.  What a better way to begin your life then by rocking out to a rock legend like John Forgherty and soon to be legends Mumford and Sons.  I can see it now – our little baby dancing in the womb to Down on the Corner.  The weekend almost seemed like it was tailored specifically to Logan and me because the whole city was covered in mustaches.  If it turns out that Mrs. Cleo was wrong and we end up having a Logan Jr. we might just need to have a mustache themed nursery.
 

While in St. Augustine, Logan and I stayed at a very charming bed and breakfast that was run by a sweet English family.  Saturday morning we woke up and went downstairs to enjoy a freshly cooked meal and some wonderful tea.  It was just what I needed after a long night.  Logan mentioned to the owner that I was pregnant and after the sweet congratulations and her pointing out that she can see my ‘baby bump’ she asked how far along I was.  When I responded with 14 weeks she said, ‘Oh, well you sure are poofy for 14 weeks aren’t you.’  (Make sure you read that in a British accent.)  Really?  I need to keep a log of all the inappropriate comments that I get during pregnancy.  Because that is exactly what I want to hear – how poofy I am.  I am going to start telling people I am 8 months so I can start hearing nice things like, well aren’t you just a tiny little thing.  Or wow, you carry it so well.  Rather than saying I’m poofy or pudging up.  For now, I think I am going to google for an image of the fattest pregnant person to post on my fridge so I can say, well at least I don’t look like that.

Confidence Booster!
Two questions popped up after I found this image.
1.  Why did you post this for the world to see?
2.  What photos of me are out there? 
If I googled 'girl who dances like an idiot'
will I find embarassing photos of me from the Ybor days?

Week 13 – Mrs. Cleo’s prediction

Second Trimester is here!  Whoo Hoo!  I made it.  Magically I am supposed to have more energy, no more sickness and feel back to normal.  Right?  Right?!  Well, I will say that it is better than it was before, however we are not in the clear yet.  I am eating normal which is great and most of the foods I crave are all healthy.  I cannot get enough fruit in my diet.  I crave it all the time.  Especially pineapple.  I have been eating so much pineapple I had to look up side effects to see if there was anything I should be concerned about if I eat too much of it. 

I have been feeling good enough to start doing more exercising again.  The only downside has been these wicked headaches that I get every day and how tired I am.  It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, how good I eat and how much I try to take it easy on myself, the headaches don’t go away.  I decided to try prenatal yoga this week which has been the first thing that has made my headache go away.  I will definitely be making that a weekly addition to my routine! 

How did this happen to Daisy Duke?

However, I cannot get over how self-conscious I am about my weight gain.  Yes it has stayed in the belly which is great but it seems to have happened much quicker than most women.  There was a girl in my yoga class who’s belly was half my size and she was 18 weeks!  When I told her how far along I was her facial expression said it all.  Maybe all this fruit isn’t as good for me as I thought…Oh well, I just keep reminding myself that as long as I feel healthy and the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter if I get Jessica Simpson big. 

The further along I am getting in my pregnancy the more I start to think about this little person inside of me.  The biggest question on my mind is if I have a little baseball player or ballerina inside me.  I have had a feeling the whole time that it is going to be a little girl.  Really because I feel like that would be my karma since I was such a delight to raise especially in the teen years.  (Sarcasm could not be thicker.)  My mom put any questions that we might have aside and confirmed the sex of our baby with her visit to her psychic.  During her reading she was told that my first child would be a girl and that my second would be twins.  Twins?!  Man I hope she is wrong… that seems like way too much to handle.  She also said I would be going back to school to do something different with my life.  So I have that going for me.  The countdown has officially begun.  7 more weeks to see if Mrs. Cleo is more accurate then science.  

Call me now for a free readin' (Say it in a Jamacian Accent.)

Missing: Another shred of dignity

I am amazed on a daily basis by people. Bill Cosby had a show staring kids who say 'the darnest things.' It was cute because of how inappropriate they can be. However, these kids grow up. They grow into inappropriate adults. The best part about it is, most have no idea they are saying something that is best left unsaid. They walk around completely oblivious.

Case in point. I am walking through the office towards the printer, minding my own business when a co-worker calls me over with excitement. She is standing in a group with two other employees who I have not had the pleasure of meeting yet. Then she exclaims with great joy, 'I just heard the news! I've noticed for a few weeks that you have been pudging up, but I didn't want to say anything. So congratulations!'

 
Awesome. I am at the stage in the pregnancy where some women are now showing a little. But in my case, it has been confirmed that my co-workers have been discussing for WEEKS about how I am plumping up. I was actually thinking I was looking pretty good... sure, my pants don't fit and I'm wearing a belly band, but I'm not showing anywhere else right? So now I will be spending the weekend taking measurements of the rest of my body, doing extra cardio sessions and eating a lot more veggies and fewer sweets thanks to Mrs. Uncouth's nonchalant comment. The best part about it was that she was not trying to be rude, in fact, it was the opposite. Nevertheless, I walked away with a little less dignity and now have two more people who I don't know judging my 'pudge.' I just want to go home and watch football and forget about this.

Week 12 - Blessed in more ways than one.

This was a big week.  I had butterflies in my stomach leading up to our doctor’s appointment.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to put the fear of a miscarriage behind us.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to see something on the sonogram that actually resembles a person.  At 12 weeks, we can finally shout from the rooftop to all of our friends and family that our family of 2 is growing.  So to me, this was a big week.

I tried my best not to keep myself up the night before playing the ‘what if’ game.  Instead, I said a simple prayer first thanking God for this amazing opportunity but then, no matter what his will is for me and this baby, that I will be okay with it.  God blessed us once again when we sat in that sonogram room and saw our sweet little baby and heard its little heartbeat.  I had a huge sigh of relief.  I am on the right road to having a healthy baby continue its development.

The rest of the day I was simply glowing with excitement.  I can share the news with all of our friends and family.  The next few days would be all about Baby Barile.  I was most excited to tell all of my mommy friends.  Our little circle has moved from new marriages to new babies over the past few years and it was my turn to join the club.  I knew that they would be happy to have another woman to share this with.  And I am excited to talk to people who have been through what I am going through!

The timing was perfect because we were heading down to the keys for the weekend with a group of amazing people to celebrate our good friend Sammy’s birthday.  It was the first trip I didn’t have to hide my pregnancy and when I shared the news I was embraced with excitement.  It was also the first time in 15 years that I experienced Duval Street in Key West sober.  That was an eye opener to say the least.  But we couldn’t have asked for a better group of couples to go down there with. 

Logan and I discussed on our drive back how we have really been blessed with a great diverse group of friends to celebrate these moments of our lives together.  People who are truly caring and genuinely sweet people who would do anything for their friends.  I felt honored to be included as part of the group and look forward to developing these friendships even further as I enter into this next stage in life.  College spring break mentality morphed into weekend getaways with girlfriends to now vacations with our friends and their families.  It is an interesting transition but one that I am ready to embrace with open arms. 

Too fat for my pants

The fun has continued with sharing the news of our now sweet baby plum.  This week our baby’s face is becoming more defined.  The eyes have moved to the front of the face and the chin and nose have been taking more shape.  Logan and I have joked that we hope the baby gets my nose and not his.  While that might be the case, I really hope for our child’s sake that they get his athletic ability and metabolism and not mine.  Our sweet child now has fingernails on formed fingers that will soon be able to open and close.  Luckily I am keeping up with taking my DHA because the brain is also rapidly growing. 

As for me, there is no hiding it.  I look like a pregnant lady.  My belly bump is showing.  I guess that is to be expected when I gain most of my weight in my mid-section as it is.  Let’s just hope that it stays contained in the middle and doesn’t spread everywhere.  I need to continue to try to eat as healthy as possible and spend as many nights as I can in the gym.  Either way, I am too fat for my pants.  I needed to buy a few pieces to add to my wardrobe to help with this change in size.  This is a very awkward time because I tried on maternity clothes and they are extremely baggy on me since I haven’t gotten that big, yet I can’t button my pants.  I tried on a pair of skinny jeans that are the next size up but because the weight luckily is only in my belly, they didn’t fit anywhere else.  (I'm not lookin all that skinny so maybe I should just give up on the fashion trend.)

So I am rockin’ the belly band.  Honestly, this might just become a new thing for me.  Why didn’t I find this sooner?  No more restrictions of a button and zipper.  I now have the comfort of elastic while sporting all my favorite pant styles.  Is it wrong that I want to wear these after the pregnancy is over?  How long is an acceptable period of time post pregnancy of wearing elastic pants before I need an intervention? 

Good news is that the nausea and sickness are getting better.  It isn’t gone, but it isn’t as frequent.  I still cannot get enough sleep in my day and will cry over little things.  Example – Logan came home after working on Saturday and told me he stopped by the book store on the way home to pick up a book on pregnancy.  The woman recommended to him ‘What to expect when expecting.’  The fact that Logan went to a book store on his own to get something to read about pregnancy melted my heart and I was crying uncontrollable happy tears.  What was even better was last night when we were reading in bed and he kept sharing his ‘did you know’ facts that he was learning while he read.  It is moments like that which remind me how blessed I am to not only experience this wonderful time in my life, but to be sharing it with such a great partner who I know is going to be a fantastic father.

 

Week 11 - So did you plan this?

Every week that goes by the more reality kicks in that I am going to be a momma and that there is life growing inside me.  This week was one of many milestones.  Not only has my baby officially grown to the ‘fetus’ stage and is the size of a lime, but Logan and I have also started sharing the news with people.  Our plan is that anytime we get to see people in person we would share the news with them but just ask that they don’t blast it yet through social media.  I ordered some cards to send out to our family and friends and unfortunately, had to tell my boss at work. 

The reason why I say unfortunately is because of the circumstances that caused me to divulge the information.  Originally I was going to wait until after Labor Day.  Instead, while having my mid-year review, pregnancy hormones kicked in and I got emotional.  This was great.   My first chance to show George how well I take criticism and we can have a real candid conversation about my performance, and I look like a teenage girl getting scolded by her father. The worst part was, it was a fantastic review!  Any items that I was told I need to work on were things I was already aware of and for the most part I was told that he was overall happy with my performance.  No reason for me to be upset, if these things bothered me.  But I pride myself in my ability to take constructive criticism.  So I had to fess up.  I told George that if my eyes were glassy it had nothing to do with our conversation, but was because I am pregnant.  It was a relief to get it off my chest and good timing since (I didn’t know this yet) but the next Monday I needed to take a day off because of how badly I felt.  George was very happy for me and I felt a weight lifted now that I didn’t have a secret. 

We also began sharing the news with some friends.  Female friends were beyond excited and started asking about name ideas, how I was feeling, etc.  My male friends were more concerned on if this was planned and if I am happy.  I guess when you are a single man you don’t think that someone would get knocked up on purpose.  First question after I said guess what, Logan and I are pregnant was - so was this planned?  Should I be happy for you?  Logan and I have been dating since I was 19 and I am now 30.  Don’t you think that if we were going to get ‘accidently’ pregnant it would have been when I was 21 and stupid instead of in my 30s?  But the overall feeling that everyone shared was that if we were happy, they were happy for us.  And the truth is, Logan and I couldn’t be happier. 

Week 10 - All about the Grandparents

This was a fun week for us and one we have been looking forward to since the day we read ‘pregnant’ on the pee stick. This was the week we were going to share the good news with our parents.  We were waiting until after we had our dr. appointment to make sure everything was on track before we told anyone.  Now that we had the green light it was time to share with those closest to us.  We are still waiting until 12 weeks to make the ‘big’ announcement, but in the meantime, Logan and I could finally share what we have wanted to scream from the mountaintops. 

Now, the question of how we were going to tell them was a conversation of discussion that Logan and I had over a few weeks.  I wanted to have everyone over together because I didn’t think it was fair for one parent to find out before the other.  However, when you have the interesting dynamic of divorced parents, it makes the subject a little more sensitive.  Ultimately we decided to have a more intimate conversation with each parent individually and we would do it all over one weekend so that the most any parent would know before the other would be 48 hours.  Sure, we could have called them each within minutes, but then I don’t get to see the expression on their faces!

The plan was set, we would tell Margie on her birthday (Thursday) followed by my dad on Friday and my mom on Saturday.  We had a meal set up with each of them and had special gifts for them to open to find out that they were now going to be grandparents.  I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction from each of them.  All of their responses to our news fit true to their personalities which reconfirmed we did it the right way by doing it separately.  I found these really cute ‘announcement’ eggs on etsy to give to the moms.  When they crack the egg a small piece of paper is inside that says that we are pregnant with our due date.

When Margie opened hers, she instantly got emotional and screamed.  I loved it!  She kept saying it was the best birthday present ever.  It was the exact ‘Margie’ reaction I was hoping for.  My mom didn’t disappoint either.  When she opened hers she stated that she had given up on us.  She thought that we were going to just stay kid-less and travel the world.  (Which she was right in we did have that thought cross our mind many times.)    But most importantly she said that she didn’t care as long as we were happy.  Which we are, and know we made the best decision!

A Birthday Dinner that none of us will forget.

Dad’s reaction was just as classic.  I got him a mug that said ‘this dad is being promoted to grandpa.’  When he opened it up, he gave me a puzzled look and asked, ‘you’re pregnant?’  When I said yes and he hugged me to say congratulations, that was immediately followed with, ‘so no problems with that ovary?’  Which was a perfect question since the only other time the conversation of me having kids has come up with my father was last year when we were in the Keys and he said so eloquently, ‘can you even get pregnant with that bum ovary of yours?’  He did follow up the natural stunned reaction to being a grandfather with a text message the next day telling me how excited he is to be Grandpa Z.  (It has a good ring to it, Papa Z.)

It was such a joy to celebrate this next step with our parents this way and was a wonderful way to spend the weekend.  This little baby was the focus of our whole weekend.  Beyond telling the parents, I also started reading a book on parenthood, watched 2 documentaries on midwifes and took two hospital tours to see how we want to proceed with the pregnancy.  The next few weeks are going to be information overload until we feel comfortable with how we start this new life together.  I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

Random Thought on Pregnancy

Do you remember those Pepto Bismol commercials where they sing and dance pointing to the different places of their body that you could have symptoms in?  Sing it with me, ‘nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.’  Those are ALL symptoms of pregnancy that I feel ALL the time.  I could be a walking billboard for Pepto.  Except that you can’t take it while pregnant!  It seems like such a slap in the face.  You get to enjoy all of these symptoms 7 days a week but you can’t take anything to relieve it. 

You could try avoiding certain foods that cause the symptoms.  Add those foods to the laundry list of ‘don’t eat’ that you already get once you become pregnant and the list of items that you won’t eat because now even the smell of it will make you sick.  I've already been on a strict peanut butter on saltine crackers diet since that seems to be the only thing that I’m allowed to eat that doesn’t mess with me afterwards.  Dreaming of the days when normal foods stay down and I can get back to a balanced diet. 

Oh the Joy of Side effects

Today I experienced an all new low in the pregnancy.  How can I already be having traumatic experiences like this and I’m only 9 weeks in?  First my pants rip while getting sick at work, then Logan casually passes gas in the same room as me that hits me so hard I have to run to the bathroom dry heaving, and now this.  I’ve heard pregnant women are extra emotional.  I was ready for that.  Maybe I need to have some tissues during Publix commercials and Logan needs to be a little more sensitive when sharing criticism with me, no big deal.  That seems manageable.  What I was not prepared for was crying for absolutely no reason. 

That is what happened to me today.  I was supposed to meet Logan for lunch at Panera Bread.  We had a very reasonable misunderstanding on which one we were meeting at.  Just like there is a Starbucks on every corner, there were two Panera Breads on Ulmerton and we were at different locations.  A reasonable person would chalk it up to miscommunication, drive to the other location and move on.  I am no longer a reasonable person.  I lose it.  Full on meltdown in my car.  Hysterical crying.  I can’t even speak.  I end up texting Logan that I am going to get my food to go and I’ll just see him at home later.  Because I am fully aware I am being crazy at the moment, I am able to clearly state via text message that I am not upset or angry and I fully understand how this can happen.  I finished the text with I love you.  My face, however, did not convey the same level of maturity and understanding.  If anyone walked by my car, the only logical explanation for that level of ugly crying is that I just lost all of my relatives in a plane crash.

 After 10 minutes of deep breaths and distractions, I finally put myself together enough to go inside to order some food to take back to the office with me.  I picked out what I wanted to order and went to the counter.  ‘I’ll have the pick two combo with…’ I stated calmly to the friendly young cashier.  I go to hand her my credit card and she asks the logical next question, ‘is this for here or to go?’  A normal person would respond ‘to go’ with a smile and be on their way.  I however just looked at her; tears come gushing out of my face for no reason as I whimper out ‘to go.’  I snatched my credit card from her hand and run to the bathroom.  Really?  Melt down at Panera Bread over a simple questions?  Pull yourself together man!  But I couldn’t.  I walked out of the bathroom, grabbed my to go bag, and shame ate in the car.  I ate alone, in my car while tears still rolled down my face.  The whole time in my head recognizing how crazy it seemed but no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn’t get the tears to stop.  This is a new first and a moment I will not quickly forget. 

 

Week 9 - Did you bring your ovary with you today?

This week was a very special week. I was able to meet our sweet baby for the first time. Up until this point it has just been a thought verses a reality. Sure I had some symptoms but I haven't been able to feel anything yet. It is too early to really start showing and definitely too early to feel any movement. This was one of the reasons why Logan and I were looking forward to our dr. appointment. We arrived to the dr. office a little early so I could fill out paperwork. Right on schedule came my wonderful pregnancy sickness so I ran straight for the restroom. At least I will find out in a few minutes if all of this is normal.

We get called back and the first thing we did was go to the ultrasound room. The technician wanted to first try to see if she can see my uterus using the wand on my stomach before having to look internally. Luckily she was able to see it right away. Within seconds we were looking at our baby and hearing a heartbeat. A wave of emotion ran over me and I couldn't help but weep. (Tears of joy of course.) I can't believe it. I am going to be a mom. This is my baby. This is really happening.

It all happened so quickly. Then I saw the technician with a slight look of concern. She then made a joke and asked, 'did you bring your right ovary with you today?' I quickly replied no which stopped her in her tracks. I guess it didn't say in my file that I only had one. I didn't realize that was what she was looking for during the last few minutes. Then she asked if we wanted to hear the heart beat again and Logan and I both answered quickly with a strong YES! Of course we want to hear it again. I could listen to it all day if that was possible. We were told it was a strong and consistent 176 and based on the measurements, I am definitely at 9 weeks.

The rest of the visit was long and discouraging. Nothing but nurses and doctors going through all the things that could go wrong in the pregnancy. I understand that we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario and that we are still very early in the pregnancy but can we just go back to being excited and listening to the heart beat? Here come the anxiety and worry again that finally went away for the first time.

The appointment ended after 3.5 hours and Logan and I headed home. They gave us a print out of the sonogram and I couldn't help but look at it all night. This is our baby. The gummy bear sized version of our baby. Sure there are still a lot of unknowns but I can't focus on that. So I focused on keeping my mind healthy. I spent some quality time with God that night thanking Him for this sweet blessing. No matter what happens, this is a great beginning for our family and I am so grateful to be able to experience this.

Week 8 - A moment of silence for my skinny jeans that won't fit again for years.

Dear Baby Fetus,  (Technically not even a fetus yet)

I would like to thank you for making today extra special to me.  The day was coming to end for most of my co-workers and I was getting ready to pull a late night to catch up on some work I was behind on.  I actually felt ‘okay’ for most of the day so I thought I would take advantage of feeling good. 

Before settling into my next project I took a quick break to run to the restroom and go to the break room for a refill of water and grab a snack.  As I sat down to take my 10^th pee of the day, I had the uncontrollable instant urge that I was going to get sick and it was going to happen now if I liked it or not.  Still sitting down mid-stream I start throwing up in front of me.  Awesome.  Well, at least it is late in the day so most people are gone.  So I get up to grab some paper towels to clean up what just happened and when I bent over I heard the sound of the last shred of dignity I had for the day leave.  The seam in my pants has ripped. 

All the ‘carbing up’ I have been doing over the past week and a half since it is the only thing that calms my stomach pushed me over the edge.  I am no longer a size 4.  (Truly I’ve been squeezing into them for a while in denial that I have to be a size 6 now, but this was a rude way to find out.)  I took that as a sign that my work day should be over, so instead of working for another two hours I picked my self-respect up off the bathroom floor, grabbed my purse and left for the day. 

Pouring one out for
the skinny jeans that
are no more....

As soon as I got into the car I had to unbutton my pants that clearly do not fit me anymore and drove home.  I swapped my pants for pj’s and had a moment of silence over the fact that it was the last time for at least a year that I will be that size again, if ever.  I’ve heard horror stories of your body never going back to the shape it was before you are pregnant and I know I didn’t do myself any favors by waiting until I was 30 to have kids. 

I keep talking about going to the gym and working out but then the exhaustion and nausea kick in and the couch seems much more appealing.  So for now, that is what I’m going to do – lay in bed and forget about today.  Tomorrow I will be wearing a skirt so I don’t have to worry about one of these issues repeating itself.  Thanks again for embarrassing mommy today.  I’ll get you back with some naked baby photos when you bring home your first date. 

Love Always,

Mom

Week 7 - Beginning of the 9 Month Hangover

Well the honeymoon is over.  Those symptoms are all kickin in full gear.  As the creature growing inside continues to suck the life out of me, I am enjoying headaches, fatigue, constant nausea and the added bonus of constipation.  Our ‘sweet pea’ has grown to the size of a blueberry, and while our bambino is still relatively small, it is making a big impact on how I feel.  The good news is that when I was looking up relief suggestions I saw that all of these feelings mean that our child is healthy and it should only last for 3 months. 

Awesome, so the 3 months while I still look like me, I feel like crap.  Then when I start to feel a little better on the inside, the outside of me is going to be swallowed up in a fat person suit.  I thought it was called morning sickness meaning that you get sick first thing in the am, then you are cool for the rest of the day?  Why don’t they call it the Prego Hangover because that is how it feels.  It feels like I partied way too hard last night and am paying for it today, only greasy McDonald’s breakfast doesn’t cure it and I don’t have any wild stories to tell you about last night. 

'Wow Casey, you look like crap, what did you do last night?’  Oh you know, the usual Tuesday night, forced down some soup and grilled cheese, topped it off with some gingerale and passed out at 9:00.  CRAZAY!  This week instead of thinking about what cute outfits I want to dress our child in, I keep thinking about all the classic parent lines you hear from your mom when you are growing up to make you feel guilty.  ‘Do you know what I went through so you could be here right now, and this is how you are you going to talk to me?’  ‘I brought you into this world, and just as easily I can take you out.’  ‘I put my body through hell so you could live and this is the thanks I get.’ 

This is my 'fake it till you make it' smile.
Can you tell I have the sweats and am going to
throw up after this photo is done?

Alright so I am being dramatic.  I need to just suck it up and face the facts that this is just how I get to feel and go back to thinking about it as our sweet miracle growing inside of me instead of as the evil alien spawn that is going to rip its way out of me. 

Written with love,
Future Mom of the Year

Week 6 - Sweet Pea, Apple of my Eye

Our little blessing has grown from an apple seed to the size of a pea.  I found this out after I was already at work and checked my ‘Bump App.’ I text messaged Logan instantly and he responded that we have a little ‘sweet pea.’  Then right away he put on Amos Lee’s ‘Sweet Pea’ on Spotify.  That made my heart smile.  All week long he was asking about how our little sweet pea was doing.  Our sweet pea is developing eyes, ears and other facial features.  I am not sure when you start feeling side effects, but fortunately for me, I haven’t had any yet.  I feel great.  It is almost like the feeling I had when Logan and I first started dating.  You get the butterfly feeling every time he is around and are wondering about what the future might hold.  I keep thinking about what it is going to feel like when I get my first baby kick and how we are going to decorate the nursery or if we think it’s going to be a ballerina or a baseball player.  Each sweet thought gives me butterflies.    Each day this is becoming more real.  We are going to spend the weekend talking insurance and how much we need to start saving which means it is actually happening.  I am going to be a mom.

Week 5 - Yep, Still Pregnant

I woke up a week later and took another test to confirm.  Yep, still pregnant.  How does that keep happening?  I can’t believe that I actually have a person growing inside me.  This week the baby has developed from a poppy seed to an apple seed.  At this stage our baby was developing its central nervous system:  the brain, spinal cord, spinal nerves and backbone.  The middle layer will develop into the circulatory system and the bottom layer is where the lungs, intestines, thyroid and other major internal organs will develop. 

So what does this mean for me?  I need to start getting used to this lifestyle change.  Basically all my favorite foods are now off limit and I need to learn how to function without caffeine.  Water is my new best friend and mocktails will become the norm.  The alcohol aspect so far is the hardest part.  Not the ‘I can’t drink anymore’ part but the explaining why I’m not drinking to my friends and making excuses for it.  I might just have to become a hermit for the next few months.  I scheduled my first dr. appointment for the end of the month and am starting to read up a lot.  My main focus is keeping my body healthy.  I want to continue to spend a lot of time in the gym while also pumping myself full of vitamins, fruits and veggies. 

The best part so far?  Logan’s excitement.  He cannot wait to be a dad.  It reassures how ready we are to become a family and it makes me really look forward to doing this partnership together.  I am truly blessed to have a partner like him for these big life events.

Week 1 (technically week 4)

Logan and I really enjoy our freedom.  I mean, a lot.  We always had plans and activities going on every weekend, would take extended vacations and would use any moment we had to play.  We also do not rush into any decisions that we make in life.  We dated for 5 years before Logan proposed to me, then spent two years engaged before finally getting married.  We were also married for 5 years before we even began the conversation about having children.  The truth is we both were so in love with each other and had so much fun being carefree that having a family wasn’t a high priority.  

But then we had a change in our mindset.  We bought a beautiful home that was much bigger than the two of us needed, I celebrated my 30^th birthday, and all of our friends were catching up to us with getting married and settled down. 

After many discussions we decided that it was the right timing for us to try to start a family.  We had a few events coming up and agreed that June was a good time to begin trying.  We also discussed the possibility that children might not be in God’s plan for us.  There is always a chance that we could try for years, and it just not happen.  But we were okay with that.  If kids weren’t in our future, we would continue being happy together just us.  (Secretly though, we were both crossing our fingers and praying that our plan B would never come to fruition.)

Little did we know how ready we were to have children because after only one month of trying we were pregnant!  They say that you just know, and I knew that morning when I took the test what the response was going to be before I even looked at it.  As soon as I saw that word on the digital screen, I woke up Logan with the news.  The only way to describe the feeling was surreal.  It was actually happening.  Right after the surreal emotions of excitement came a big mental question mark of ‘now what?’

Because I am a smart phone addict, I quickly jumped on Google and started doing searches of ‘I just found out I’m pregnant, now what do I do.’  I downloaded a few apps on my phone to track my progress and started obsessing over what I needed to do to make sure I kept my body as healthy as possible.  The coolest thing about the app is it tells you the size of your baby each week.  When I put in the date of my last period, I discovered that my ‘week 1’ of being pregnant was actually week 4 of the child’s development.  If he or she grows up with a taste for whiskey, I will be the one to blame since that is what I was drinking at a wedding the weekend before.  (Don’t worry; I did extensive research that said that there is nothing to worry about this early on.)  After I found out I was 4 weeks a long I also discovered that my baby is now the size of a poppy seed. 

I made a big mistake by taking the test first thing Monday morning.  You can only imagine how productive I was at work that week.  Luckily, it was July 1^st and we had a short week.  There weren’t a lot of people in the office since we had a long weekend ahead of us so I didn’t have to worry about too many people looking over my shoulder as I Googled every subject from what foods to avoid to baby announcement ideas.  

Just because I was proud of my crafting,
here is my 4th of July wreath

Timing is funny though because a few days later, Logan and I were hosting a 4^th of July party with about 40 of our friends and family in our home and I couldn’t tell anyone this big secret I am keeping inside while also avoiding alcohol without making it obvious.  And I HATE to lie.  I was able to dodge the issue for the most part though.  I wanted to tell every person that crossed our path the exciting news, but our better judgment told us to wait until I am at least 3 months along.  (A LONG 3 months.)  For now, Logan and I just get to share the best secret we’ve had so far.