Week 25 – A quiet moment of thanksgiving

If I have one complaint about the pregnancy experience so far it wouldn’t have anything to do with side effects.  Heartburn – bring it on.  Nausea – so what?  Emotional Breakdowns?  You’ll be a good laugh later.  No, my one complaint is the worry I’ve felt about this sweet child and fear of the unknown.  What could I be doing right now that could be hurting her?  What could I be doing better?  So with the Thanksgiving Holiday finally here, I decided it is time to shut out the negative and to spend a quiet moment of personal thanksgiving for all the wonderful things that I have going for me.  So here is my short top 5 list of things I am most thankful for when it comes to BGB.

Mallory says Happy Thanksgiving!

5.  Regardless of some of my ‘pregnancy side effects’ I have had an easy pregnancy without any serious complications.   I am thankful for my health.

4.  My mommy friends.  I am not the first girl in my circle to have a baby and I am so thankful to have these amazing women to lean onto for advise and support.  Their wisdom has been invaluable.    

3.  My supportive husband.  Logan has stepped up in a way I couldn’t have even imagined.  He has been more supportive, patient, and understanding than I could have dreamed.  I don’t know how women go through this without that support, but I tip my hat to them and have the most respect because I don’t know if I would be that strong.

2.  Thanksgiving Day reminded me that we do have a village to help raise this child.  There is a reason why we stayed in Tampa and it gives me a lot more confidence with having this baby that we are not doing it alone in any way.

1.  Baby Girl is HEALTHY!  Every visit we have gone to has been nothing but good news with her.

So I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving Holiday and was able to take a few minutes to think about how many things they have to be truly thanksful for this year.

Week 24 – Pregnancy. You’re doing it wrong.

Eat whatever you want.  You are eating for two!  Come on try it, for the baby.  These are phrases that I have constantly been hearing, and honestly, have been looking forward to.  For once I don’t need to worry about putting on a few extra pounds.  It is expected right?  So I have had ice cream a little more often then I ever had in my life.  I am ordering sandwiches at lunch instead of always getting the light salads.  I mean, I’m already giving up alcohol, sushi, deli meat and caffeine… I deserve to have some dessert.  Well, apparently not. 

After this last visit to the dr. office, I might be the first ever pregnant lady that is put on a diet.  Really?  I feel like I should have had to do things much more extreme than I am to have a diet be in order.  Like mac and cheese for breakfast, burger with fries and milk shake for lunch and fried chicken smothered in gravy for dinner every night.  But no – even with all the healthy things I am eating, the lack of exercise and some poor food choices I’ve made have lead to the need to count calories the week of thanksgiving no less.  I need to be at the same weight I am now on my next visit to be back on the healthy weight track.  I don’t think I can handle another visit with a Dr. looking at the weight on my chart and criticizing my size.  I can tell you, it doesn’t really instill you with confidence.

What does instill me with confidence though, is how great our sweet baby girl is doing.  She has doubled in size over the past month and looks great.   We saw a 3D sonogram that showed us her face clearly and we could see her big pouty lips and cute little nose.  She is forming into a little person, which is astonishing.  Another amazing moment this week was when Logan got to feel her move for the first time.  He laid his head on my belly and without me having to tell him when she moved he was able to feel it.  They are still small movements, but movements no less.  It is a great reminder that she is alive in there and is healthy.  Mom might not be rocking this pregnancy but baby girl sure is.  She looks beautiful and so far no problems.  I don’t think that I could ask for anything better than that. 

Week 23 – Bottles, and cribs and nipple shields, oh my!

So… these babies.  They need a lot of stuff.  It is kind of amazing how something that is less than 10 lbs could require so many things.  I realized how overwhelming it was this week when we started our registry.  I have been trying to put off registering for as long as possible, but after realizing that we are already in the holidays and my shower will be here before I know it, I thought I’d better get started. 

Not only are there tons of things on your ‘must have list’ but also the number of options in each category is unreal.  I thought I would start with something easy, bottles.  Wrong.  Everyone has an opinion on which bottle is best.  Glass vs. Plastic.  Curved vs. straight.  Liner or no liner.  Then which brand is best?  Should you get a variety to test them out?  What is worst about it is, all babies are different.  One baby might love the Dr. Brown bottle and the mom will rave about it while another one will constantly get gas because it lets in too much air. 

My friends aren’t helping either.  They all give me a different answer when I ask them about what brand they like the best.  Then just when I think I’ve got it under control on what I need and what I will never actually use, I get thrown curve balls.  Did you register for a Wubbanub?  Well, you gotta have a Wubbanub.  What the heck is a Wubbanub?  Or a bumpie?  Or nipple shields?  And why do I need all of these things?  How much of this crap that I ‘have to have’ is going to end up in a pile of stuff I never used.  What I would love to see is a mom write a blog about the things that you actually need to register for and a non-sponsored list of brands that they recommend from personal experience.  That seems to not exist yet.  And if it does and you know about it, send it my way.  All I am finding are sponsored list with paid advertisements or retail stores that have lists of things that you ‘need to have’ so that you register for more stuff.

Basically, I’m overwhelmed already and I’ve only done online shopping.  Next week Logan and I will go ‘test drive’ some strollers and actually walk into some baby stores which I have purposely avoided up until this point.  Fingers crossed we find the perfect stroller quickly and I can go back to the comfort of my computer and never step foot in another one of those stores.

But in better news, baby girl and I are feeling great.  I get to see her in another sonogram next week and have been spending the week looking forward to seeing her again.  I think my favorite part, more than actually seeing her each time, is hearing the heartbeat.  It is the most amazing sound I have ever heard and want to listen to it all the time.  Sometimes when I am thinking about her at night I can start hearing it again in my head which makes me smile.  I’ll buy this princess 50 Wubbanubs if that is what she needs, I just can’t wait to put her in my arms in a few months.

Week 22 – The Nesting Continues

This week has been such a fun week of decorating.  I feel like we were able to make a huge check mark off one item of our list.  Living room, CHECK.  We have been ordering furniture for about a month now and picking up little odds and ends from various markets, second hand shops and other home good stores and we could finally put it all together.  Perfect timing too because we would be having some friends come in town for the weekend.

Logan and I have wanted to get this room complete first before moving to the nursery.  It was the last room of the house that needed furniture.  Before now it was always referred to as the ‘yoga room’ because it was just a big empty space that we didn’t know what to do with.  Now it is a cozy media room that is prefect for unwinding after a long day.  Here are some before and after photos.  Obviously there is still some work to be done but it is a comfortable and functional space.  Most importantly, it has a recliner for Logan. 

So… I get it.  Everyone who has seen it so far has referred to it as an adult room and Logan has warned me that it isn’t kid friendly.  There are fragile antiques, light color furniture and a lot of ‘stuff’ on the tabletops.  However, this is not the kid room.  The kid room is the one with the divorce collection that while I am not going to be encouraging it, I will not be getting mad if there ends up being spilled milk, crayon, or scissor cuts on.  How long will I be able to pull this off?  Who knows?  Maybe not even a year.  But I will be enjoying it while it lasts, that’s for sure.

Now I have a little bit of time that I can soak in snuggling on the clean couch in a pretty room with my husband before baby girl comes.  This week our little girl weighs a pound.  A pound?  That is it?  Well, I sure have made her a big home to roam around in.  She can hear my voice and heartbeat.  It really makes me want to come up with her name so I can start talking to her.  Right now it is a little hard for me to comprehend that she can hear me and would benefit from hearing my voice.  I mean I remember all the long talks I had with my mom while I was in the womb…. Said no one ever.

While baby girl is hanging out and taking naps on my bladder, I have been experiencing some wicked heartburn this week.  It doesn’t matter what I eat or when I eat it, I am going to have heartburn.  And I always forget how bad it is until it comes so I am never prepared.  I need to just keep a thing of Tums in my purse but I don’t think about it until it is already too late.  It usually happens around 4:00 and goes on until I finally get home at 6:30-7 and can pop a few Tums like candy. 

Thank goodness it hasn’t really been an issue while I am going to bed.  The only issue I have when I go to bed are these crazy anxiety dreams.  I keep thinking about all the things I could forget about and neglect my poor child.  Most of them are extreme and would never happen like leaving her in the car all day because I forgot that I was driving her somewhere or just not feeding her at all for 3 days straight because I didn’t think about it.  But the truth is that even though none of these things would happen, I think the anxiety is just coming from the fear of the unknown.  So, I have been trying to spend a lot more time in prayer.  I find that the more I lift up our sweet girl and all my fears to God, the less often I have these dreams and thoughts.  I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot spend my time stressing over things that I don’t have power over and that I need to Him in control.  When I did my 30 before 30 challenge, one of my items on my list was to memorize some of my favorite bible verses.  It is amazing how those have stuck with me and pop in my head when I need them the most.  This week, my verse was Philippians 4:6.  I hope it can be as good of a reminder to you as it is for me.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God

Week 21 - Reality Check

It has finally hit me.  Rather than carrying around a fetus, I am actually feeling like I am helping develop a person.  And not just any person, a sweet little baby girl.  All week long I have had visions of mundane activities of us with our little princess.  Most of them are visions of Logan holding our daughter.  I keep picturing him with this little girl sitting on his lap while he reads her a book or her pulling at his pant legs to get his attention.  The moments I see are always something that would be very trivial in the day-to-day, but monumental in the changes that are about to happen as our family grows.

Mallory and BB are ready for Halloween!

This reality that I am facing as I start thinking more and more about ‘her’ instead of ‘it’ has made everything sink in more.  What all do I need to do before the baby comes to feel prepared?  What will our life look like once she is here?  Are we going to be ready?  We have started a ‘check list’ of things we wanted to finish around the house before she comes, but I have been putting off the ‘new baby’ checklist.  Anytime I start thinking about registering, decorating the nursery, testing out strollers, taking classes at the hospital, etc. etc. etc. I become overwhelmed.  So… I will continue putting it off for a few more weeks.  Lets just focus on the house for now and worry about the baby later.

 

As for me, the symptoms continue.  Unfortunately, this week my backaches were worse than normal.  It got to the point on Saturday that I couldn’t walk.  It was a little bitter sweet for Logan since he has had back pain on and off for a few years now, he knew exactly what I needed to help relieve the pain.  I just hate that it was because he experiences this too that he was helpful.  I have been trying to go to prenatal yoga every week and my instructor showed me some exercises that were extremely helpful.  It is amazing how much stretching properly takes pressure off of your joints.

Back pain or not, it is a small price to pay for this experience.  I will take 20 days of not walking from severe back pain for one day of seeing our baby girl on the sonogram and hearing her heartbeat.  It really does make it all worth it.  

Week 20 - The week we found out that BB is a....

Ever since the day I announced to the world that Logan and I were expecting a baby, the big question that has been asked is if we know if it is a boy or a girl.  I don’t know if it is because people really are curious or if that changes their opinion on how excited they are for the pregnancy, or if it is just something people say.  Just like when you get engaged and people immediately ask, ‘so when is the big day?’  If people were smart enough to know that we wouldn’t know the sex yet, then the next logical question was, ‘so are you going to find out the sex?’  My answer was always the quick Heck Ya we are!  I don’t want a room full of green and yellow onesies.  (Although, that isn’t a bad color combo for my beloved Bulls.)  But then my response is often followed by, oh so you don’t want it to be a surprise?

What do you mean I don’t want it to be a surprise?  Is the only time I can be surprised is when I’m in miserable labor pains to find out what it was all for?  Can’t someone be just as surprised in the sonogram room when you are seeing for the first time what is happening between those baby legs?  I thought it was going to be a surprise either now or later, so what’s the harm in knowing it now?  I can start planning out the nursery, picking out cute outfits and most importantly what we are going to name BB.  Although, BB is growing on me quite a bit and we’ve considered just picking a B name for boy or girl so we can stick to the nickname.

So the time has come, and we are finally going to meet our sweet Baby Boy or Girl.  Leading up to the appointment felt like Christmas did when I was a kid.  The hours couldn’t go by fast enough before our appointment.  Not because I couldn’t wait to start picking out the theme of the room, but more importantly, to ease the anxiety I have been having on whether or not BB is growing at a healthy rate.  I feel like I’ve been in the dark for months.  I get blood work done each week and give urine samples but I never hear anything back.  I know the saying goes no news is good news, but give me something!  If they told me that if I ate 2 bananas a day that my baby would be even healthier then I would add 2 bananas to my diet ASAP.  Luckily, my nerves were calmed at my appointment when everything was measuring right on track; our sweet baby looked great and the dr. didn’t have any concerns with me.  Well… one concern.  My weight.  Still.  I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last visit which is a perfect, however, because I gained so much in the first trimester, I am still 4 lbs over what they want.  Note to self:  STOP SKIPPING THE GYM. 

Now for the big question to be answered.  Is BB a future dancer like mom or baseball player like dad?  (Don’t overthink my stereotyping here.  He/She can do whatever activities they want.)  Logan and I discussed how and when we wanted to find out the news.  We decided we didn’t want to know at the dr. office.  We wanted it to be a private moment that we could share alone.  So we had the tech write down the sex in an envelope for us to open up later.  We headed home from our appointment glowing with excitement that our sweet baby is HEALTHY.  We went out to our patio with Mallory and had a fun discussion about either result and what that meant to us.  We also just talked about how excited we are about this big change in our life.  Then we opened the envelope for the big reveal.  Inside was a sonogram photo with one word written on it.  GIRL.  We are having a sweet little baby girl!

I would love to say that I was in shock when I saw it, but I wasn’t.  I have had this intuition since the day I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to have a little girl.  That with every person who sees me looks at my belly and says, oh yea, you are having a girl.  Even the stranger behind the paint counter at Home Depot suspected that we were having a girl.  I also did all the little wives tales ‘tests’ to see what the sex of your baby will be.  8 out of 10 pointed to GIRL.  Logan was doomed from the start.  He didn’t stand a chance against the fact that there would be a daddy’s little girl to wrap him around her finger.  No more mysteries, no more calling my baby ‘it.’  SHE is doing great and I love talking to HER.  So now the fun really can begin.  I can start thinking names and nursery for our little princess.  I cannot wait to see what the future holds for our family. 

Week 19 – Another pregnancy symptom checked off the list.

So… babies.  They seem to be a lot of work.  (I know, mind blown.)  I’ve been trying to read various baby books each night to help me get mentally prepared for what is going to come.  The one I am reading now, Babywise, is not putting me at ease.  There was a 20 page chapter dedicated to breast feeding.  It covered techniques in holding the baby, latching, how much to feed each time, how often to feed, and the list goes on.  At the end of the chapter I was more confused than when I started.  Why is it that something that is so natural and what we were put on this earth to do, is so complicated? 

I mean, look at any other mammal.  They don’t read books or have coaches telling them what to do.  A male comes up when she’s not expecting it, knocks her up then a few months later she finds a quiet place in the woods gives birth and goes straight into feeding.  No big deal.  It’s just what they do.  Babies grow up just fine (assuming nothing bigger than it kills it.)  They don’t worry about allergies or if it has been 2 hours on the dot since it’s last feeding.  So it makes me wonder, in our age of technology and endless studies, have we made it all over complicated?

 

The other thing that I struggle with is that all of these books are based on opinions.  Sure, they are educated opinions that have a ton of case studies to back it up, but at the end of the day, they are still just someone’s opinion on how you should raise your child.  So how do you know what is right?  And why is it that no matter which way you decide to go, someone else is going to be judging you as a bad parent if you are doing a technique or method that is different than theirs.  And when the child grows older and into a young adult, if they turn out to have issues, it always goes back to what decisions we made when it was an infant and the judging and blame continue.

So while I would like to say that I am able to just toss out these books and say screw it, I’ll just wing it and hope for the best, unfortunately I can’t.  I will continue to read these books, pick out the one that seems to make the most sense to me and still screw up my child in the process.  No matter what method I choose, whether it is on the clock feeding, cry it out methods or something else, my 20 something year old child will end up in a therapist office complaining about their relationship issues and the finger will be pointed right back to me.

In a few days we find out what we are having!

But as of right now, BB and I have an amazing relationship.  BB depends on me, goes everywhere I go and loves the same foods I do.  Maybe this is why some women LOVE to be pregnant.  It is that perfect time where you are completely in control of the unflawed life growing inside you.  I have officially hit the half-way point in the pregnancy which is both scary and exciting.  I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.  BB is now the size of a mango and has developed its 5 senses.  Next week we will find out if BB is a boy or a girl and I CANNOT WAIT!  I am still feeling great as far as my energy level is concerned, but have determined that I will get every possible pregnancy symptom possible.  A new one pops up on a weekly basis. 

This week’s was extra special.  I was at work late in the day when I started to feel unbelievable pain.  My abdomen started to have severe shooting pains; I had sharp pains up and down my right side which lead to shoulder pain and a little bit of numbness in my arm.  My chest was extremely tight making it painful to breath.  I thought for sure, either something is seriously wrong with the baby or I’m having a heart attack.  I left the office early to head to the Dr.  On the way I called Logan in a panic to get the phone number so I could call them.  When I got through to the nurse and described my symptoms she immediately dismissed it.  She said it was gas.  GAS?!  Didn’t you hear me about the numbness and the pain in my shoulder?  ‘Yes ma’am, gas can cause pains even in your shoulder. If it doesn’t go away by tomorrow after taking some gas-x or if the pain gets worse then head to the emergency room.’ 

 

Of course when I got off the phone I called Logan since I’m sure I freaked him out with my hysterical call earlier and he couldn’t help but laugh when I told him what was actually wrong.  The nurse did reassure me that I was not the first woman to call in a panic over this, but that I should be fine.  Other than shame and embarrassment that I am currently feeling, she was right.  I took the medicine and felt relief right away.  One more item I can check off the list as a pregnancy experience.  Thank you once again BB for taking away a little more of mommy’s dignity.  By the time BB arrives, any pride I might still have will be gone and I will be a very humbled woman.