Week 21 - Reality Check

It has finally hit me.  Rather than carrying around a fetus, I am actually feeling like I am helping develop a person.  And not just any person, a sweet little baby girl.  All week long I have had visions of mundane activities of us with our little princess.  Most of them are visions of Logan holding our daughter.  I keep picturing him with this little girl sitting on his lap while he reads her a book or her pulling at his pant legs to get his attention.  The moments I see are always something that would be very trivial in the day-to-day, but monumental in the changes that are about to happen as our family grows.

Mallory and BB are ready for Halloween!

This reality that I am facing as I start thinking more and more about ‘her’ instead of ‘it’ has made everything sink in more.  What all do I need to do before the baby comes to feel prepared?  What will our life look like once she is here?  Are we going to be ready?  We have started a ‘check list’ of things we wanted to finish around the house before she comes, but I have been putting off the ‘new baby’ checklist.  Anytime I start thinking about registering, decorating the nursery, testing out strollers, taking classes at the hospital, etc. etc. etc. I become overwhelmed.  So… I will continue putting it off for a few more weeks.  Lets just focus on the house for now and worry about the baby later.

 

As for me, the symptoms continue.  Unfortunately, this week my backaches were worse than normal.  It got to the point on Saturday that I couldn’t walk.  It was a little bitter sweet for Logan since he has had back pain on and off for a few years now, he knew exactly what I needed to help relieve the pain.  I just hate that it was because he experiences this too that he was helpful.  I have been trying to go to prenatal yoga every week and my instructor showed me some exercises that were extremely helpful.  It is amazing how much stretching properly takes pressure off of your joints.

Back pain or not, it is a small price to pay for this experience.  I will take 20 days of not walking from severe back pain for one day of seeing our baby girl on the sonogram and hearing her heartbeat.  It really does make it all worth it.  

Week 16 - Feeling awesome

I love looking at my ‘bump’ app on a daily basis.  It always has fun facts on it about the baby’s development and gives little tips along the way.  My favorite day to look is on Wednesday because that is when I get to see how big the baby is going to be for the upcoming week.  Normally it is cute fruits and veggies like the sweet pea week or my little blueberry.  This week was a little disappointing.  BB is the size of an onion.  Really?  Onion is the only thing you can come up with.  Sure, I love some caramelized onions on just about anything but it isn’t exactly a ‘cute’ fruit or veggie.

When you think of your sweet newborn you want to think of all things perfect and pure.  The baby smell after they take their bath and have their footie pajamas on with little monkeys on the feet.  Or the peaceful way they look when they are sleeping.  That is what my mind drifts to when I see it is the size of a Georgia Peach.  But for some reason, onion doesn’t take me there.  It takes me to waking up in the middle of the night to a screaming baby or the joy of changing a poopy diaper.  So… I’m changing it.  The heck with you bump app.  So I am going with a large Pink Lady Apple.  Wait… if I end up having a boy, maybe that isn’t the best selection.  I am going with a large Honeycrisp Apple.  Ah… now I can get back to fantasizing about rocking my sweet, perfect BB to sleep.

 

Week 16 has been awesome.  I had another doctor appointment which always makes me happy because it confirms that there is still something growing inside me.  Since I haven’t gotten to the ‘flutters’ or kicking stage yet, I like having a reminder that I really am pregnant and not bloated.  While I didn’t get to see a sonogram which is a little bit of a bummer, I did get to hear the heartbeat.  I am really tempted to buying my own fetal Doppler.  I could listen to my baby’s heartbeat all night.  Call it hormones, but every time I hear the repetition of the heartbeat my eyes swell with tears and I get a little choked up.  I am making this. 

The only downside was that the doctor did confirm what I already knew was true.  I am gaining weight a little quicker than what they would like to see.  Then she made a little joke about how ice cream isn’t a food group and I couldn’t help but lower my head a little bit in shame since I definitely made myself a milkshake the night before.  Do I get any points for making it with Organic milk with extra Omega 3’s and DHA?  The milkshake is for the baby!  I want it to have healthy brain development. (Totally justified.)

But the good news is that I feel awesome.  I really think the worst is behind me (for now) and I’m taking advantage of it.  I went to the gym 3 times this week and did yoga once.  I’m saying goodbye to the ice cream for now and am going to seriously reduce the extra carbs that I don’t need.  While I will not deny that I have my indulgences, I am proud of how healthy 90% of my diet has been.  I do a smoothie every morning for breakfast, eat a ton of fruits and veggies, and for the most part am sticking to lean proteins.  Here are a few of my favorite recipes that anyone (preggers or not) would enjoy:

 

Tropical Smoothie

1 banana

1 handful of fresh or frozen pineapple

1 handful of frozen mangos

1 carrot or a cup of chopped carrots (I swear you can’t taste it.)

Pack the rest of the blender with raw fresh spinach – roughly 1.5 cups (again you won’t taste it)

Fill with OJ and blend

If you don’t use any frozen fruit then you will want to add ice to make it nice and cold but it is delish!

 

Berry Smoothie

1 banana

1 cup of frozen strawberries

1 handful of frozen blueberries

Lots of raw fresh spinach – 1.5-2 cups

Fill with vanilla almond milk and blend

 

What I love about these is because you are adding raw veggies to it; you are getting all of the nutrients.  Nothing is being stripped like it does when you cook them.  Plus you are getting your day’s serving so if you don’t make the best choices the rest of the day; you at least gave your body what you need.  And the fruit hides the flavor and makes it delicious! 

 

Butternut and Carrot Soup

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

4 carrots, sliced

3 stalks celery, diced

2 small or one large butternut squash, peeled and chopped

5 cups vegetable broth

2 tbsp chopped fresh sage

Cayenne pepper

salt and pepper to taste

 

Preparation:

In a large soup pot, sauté the onion and garlic in olive oil until onions turn soft, about 3 to 5 minutes.

Add the carrots and celery and cook for another 3 to 5 minutes.

Add the squash and stir just to coat, then add the vegetable broth and sage. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a slow simmer. Allow to cook for at least 25 minutes, or until squash is soft.

Add a touch of cayenne pepper and a little salt and pepper to taste

Puree the soup in a food processor or blender.

I ate this for 5 meals in one week and already want to make it again!  It tastes like autumn in a bowl.

Winning

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night that is also pregnant.  She is about 7 months in vs. my 4 months.  I was very excited about our date because I wanted to compare pregnancy stories and play a little game called who has it worse.  As sympathetic as Logan tries to be during my extreme highs and lows, it is a lot different when you have the ear of someone who is going through the same thing you are.  For this post, we are going to call the friend ‘winner.’  Here is how the conversation went:

Me:  So how are you feeling?

Winner:  I feel fantastic.

Me:  Did you have a hard time during the first trimester?  Nausea?  Tired?

Winner:  No, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects.  I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant until about 6 months when I finally started showing.  Before that everything was the same.  My clothes fit fine, I haven’t had any weird cravings or aversion to food or anything like that.

Me: (looking down at my very showing belly and thinking about the 4 weeks of pregnancy hangover hell that I experienced.)  How has your energy level been?  Have you been able to work out at all?

Winner:  My energy level has been great and I’ve been working out with a trainer since I became pregnant which has really helped.  I just can’t do some of the exercises and they give me modified versions of it.

Me:  (looking down at my thighs that have exploded from the weeks of choosing the couch over the gym because I could barely lift my head after work.)  That’s great!  I’m so glad to hear you have had such an easy pregnancy. (I hate you.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.)

In all sincerity, I truly am happy to hear that some people really have an easy time with their pregnancy. (Promise, no sarcasm)  The way that I feel some days I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But misery loves company.  And today I was alone.  Alone in my fluffy, out of shape, exhausted, wonderfully pregnant self.  

I might be focusing on the embarrassing self-loathing moments of pregnancy more than the wonderful part – but that doesn’t take away from the great things that I feel on a daily basis too.  I am going to be a mom!  There is going to be a mini-me running around my house.  It is going to have temper-tantrums, break things, spill things, cry and keep me up all night.  But I CAN’T WAIT!  Whenever Logan kisses my belly and says hi to BB I get more and more pumped about this transition our family is going through.  It is going to be awesome.  So while I might not be winning in the pregnancy competition, I am going to cross the finish line of this race and go home with the best prize ever.

Week 14 – Well, you sure are poofy aren’t you?

This week our baby got to experience a new first.  Our little love child traveled with us to St. Augustine for a music festival and enjoyed its first concert.  What a better way to begin your life then by rocking out to a rock legend like John Forgherty and soon to be legends Mumford and Sons.  I can see it now – our little baby dancing in the womb to Down on the Corner.  The weekend almost seemed like it was tailored specifically to Logan and me because the whole city was covered in mustaches.  If it turns out that Mrs. Cleo was wrong and we end up having a Logan Jr. we might just need to have a mustache themed nursery.
 

While in St. Augustine, Logan and I stayed at a very charming bed and breakfast that was run by a sweet English family.  Saturday morning we woke up and went downstairs to enjoy a freshly cooked meal and some wonderful tea.  It was just what I needed after a long night.  Logan mentioned to the owner that I was pregnant and after the sweet congratulations and her pointing out that she can see my ‘baby bump’ she asked how far along I was.  When I responded with 14 weeks she said, ‘Oh, well you sure are poofy for 14 weeks aren’t you.’  (Make sure you read that in a British accent.)  Really?  I need to keep a log of all the inappropriate comments that I get during pregnancy.  Because that is exactly what I want to hear – how poofy I am.  I am going to start telling people I am 8 months so I can start hearing nice things like, well aren’t you just a tiny little thing.  Or wow, you carry it so well.  Rather than saying I’m poofy or pudging up.  For now, I think I am going to google for an image of the fattest pregnant person to post on my fridge so I can say, well at least I don’t look like that.

Confidence Booster!
Two questions popped up after I found this image.
1.  Why did you post this for the world to see?
2.  What photos of me are out there? 
If I googled 'girl who dances like an idiot'
will I find embarassing photos of me from the Ybor days?

Week 13 – Mrs. Cleo’s prediction

Second Trimester is here!  Whoo Hoo!  I made it.  Magically I am supposed to have more energy, no more sickness and feel back to normal.  Right?  Right?!  Well, I will say that it is better than it was before, however we are not in the clear yet.  I am eating normal which is great and most of the foods I crave are all healthy.  I cannot get enough fruit in my diet.  I crave it all the time.  Especially pineapple.  I have been eating so much pineapple I had to look up side effects to see if there was anything I should be concerned about if I eat too much of it. 

I have been feeling good enough to start doing more exercising again.  The only downside has been these wicked headaches that I get every day and how tired I am.  It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, how good I eat and how much I try to take it easy on myself, the headaches don’t go away.  I decided to try prenatal yoga this week which has been the first thing that has made my headache go away.  I will definitely be making that a weekly addition to my routine! 

How did this happen to Daisy Duke?

However, I cannot get over how self-conscious I am about my weight gain.  Yes it has stayed in the belly which is great but it seems to have happened much quicker than most women.  There was a girl in my yoga class who’s belly was half my size and she was 18 weeks!  When I told her how far along I was her facial expression said it all.  Maybe all this fruit isn’t as good for me as I thought…Oh well, I just keep reminding myself that as long as I feel healthy and the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter if I get Jessica Simpson big. 

The further along I am getting in my pregnancy the more I start to think about this little person inside of me.  The biggest question on my mind is if I have a little baseball player or ballerina inside me.  I have had a feeling the whole time that it is going to be a little girl.  Really because I feel like that would be my karma since I was such a delight to raise especially in the teen years.  (Sarcasm could not be thicker.)  My mom put any questions that we might have aside and confirmed the sex of our baby with her visit to her psychic.  During her reading she was told that my first child would be a girl and that my second would be twins.  Twins?!  Man I hope she is wrong… that seems like way too much to handle.  She also said I would be going back to school to do something different with my life.  So I have that going for me.  The countdown has officially begun.  7 more weeks to see if Mrs. Cleo is more accurate then science.  

Call me now for a free readin' (Say it in a Jamacian Accent.)

Week 12 - Blessed in more ways than one.

This was a big week.  I had butterflies in my stomach leading up to our doctor’s appointment.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to put the fear of a miscarriage behind us.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to see something on the sonogram that actually resembles a person.  At 12 weeks, we can finally shout from the rooftop to all of our friends and family that our family of 2 is growing.  So to me, this was a big week.

I tried my best not to keep myself up the night before playing the ‘what if’ game.  Instead, I said a simple prayer first thanking God for this amazing opportunity but then, no matter what his will is for me and this baby, that I will be okay with it.  God blessed us once again when we sat in that sonogram room and saw our sweet little baby and heard its little heartbeat.  I had a huge sigh of relief.  I am on the right road to having a healthy baby continue its development.

The rest of the day I was simply glowing with excitement.  I can share the news with all of our friends and family.  The next few days would be all about Baby Barile.  I was most excited to tell all of my mommy friends.  Our little circle has moved from new marriages to new babies over the past few years and it was my turn to join the club.  I knew that they would be happy to have another woman to share this with.  And I am excited to talk to people who have been through what I am going through!

The timing was perfect because we were heading down to the keys for the weekend with a group of amazing people to celebrate our good friend Sammy’s birthday.  It was the first trip I didn’t have to hide my pregnancy and when I shared the news I was embraced with excitement.  It was also the first time in 15 years that I experienced Duval Street in Key West sober.  That was an eye opener to say the least.  But we couldn’t have asked for a better group of couples to go down there with. 

Logan and I discussed on our drive back how we have really been blessed with a great diverse group of friends to celebrate these moments of our lives together.  People who are truly caring and genuinely sweet people who would do anything for their friends.  I felt honored to be included as part of the group and look forward to developing these friendships even further as I enter into this next stage in life.  College spring break mentality morphed into weekend getaways with girlfriends to now vacations with our friends and their families.  It is an interesting transition but one that I am ready to embrace with open arms. 

Too fat for my pants

The fun has continued with sharing the news of our now sweet baby plum.  This week our baby’s face is becoming more defined.  The eyes have moved to the front of the face and the chin and nose have been taking more shape.  Logan and I have joked that we hope the baby gets my nose and not his.  While that might be the case, I really hope for our child’s sake that they get his athletic ability and metabolism and not mine.  Our sweet child now has fingernails on formed fingers that will soon be able to open and close.  Luckily I am keeping up with taking my DHA because the brain is also rapidly growing. 

As for me, there is no hiding it.  I look like a pregnant lady.  My belly bump is showing.  I guess that is to be expected when I gain most of my weight in my mid-section as it is.  Let’s just hope that it stays contained in the middle and doesn’t spread everywhere.  I need to continue to try to eat as healthy as possible and spend as many nights as I can in the gym.  Either way, I am too fat for my pants.  I needed to buy a few pieces to add to my wardrobe to help with this change in size.  This is a very awkward time because I tried on maternity clothes and they are extremely baggy on me since I haven’t gotten that big, yet I can’t button my pants.  I tried on a pair of skinny jeans that are the next size up but because the weight luckily is only in my belly, they didn’t fit anywhere else.  (I'm not lookin all that skinny so maybe I should just give up on the fashion trend.)

So I am rockin’ the belly band.  Honestly, this might just become a new thing for me.  Why didn’t I find this sooner?  No more restrictions of a button and zipper.  I now have the comfort of elastic while sporting all my favorite pant styles.  Is it wrong that I want to wear these after the pregnancy is over?  How long is an acceptable period of time post pregnancy of wearing elastic pants before I need an intervention? 

Good news is that the nausea and sickness are getting better.  It isn’t gone, but it isn’t as frequent.  I still cannot get enough sleep in my day and will cry over little things.  Example – Logan came home after working on Saturday and told me he stopped by the book store on the way home to pick up a book on pregnancy.  The woman recommended to him ‘What to expect when expecting.’  The fact that Logan went to a book store on his own to get something to read about pregnancy melted my heart and I was crying uncontrollable happy tears.  What was even better was last night when we were reading in bed and he kept sharing his ‘did you know’ facts that he was learning while he read.  It is moments like that which remind me how blessed I am to not only experience this wonderful time in my life, but to be sharing it with such a great partner who I know is going to be a fantastic father.