Week 21 - Reality Check

It has finally hit me.  Rather than carrying around a fetus, I am actually feeling like I am helping develop a person.  And not just any person, a sweet little baby girl.  All week long I have had visions of mundane activities of us with our little princess.  Most of them are visions of Logan holding our daughter.  I keep picturing him with this little girl sitting on his lap while he reads her a book or her pulling at his pant legs to get his attention.  The moments I see are always something that would be very trivial in the day-to-day, but monumental in the changes that are about to happen as our family grows.

Mallory and BB are ready for Halloween!

This reality that I am facing as I start thinking more and more about ‘her’ instead of ‘it’ has made everything sink in more.  What all do I need to do before the baby comes to feel prepared?  What will our life look like once she is here?  Are we going to be ready?  We have started a ‘check list’ of things we wanted to finish around the house before she comes, but I have been putting off the ‘new baby’ checklist.  Anytime I start thinking about registering, decorating the nursery, testing out strollers, taking classes at the hospital, etc. etc. etc. I become overwhelmed.  So… I will continue putting it off for a few more weeks.  Lets just focus on the house for now and worry about the baby later.

 

As for me, the symptoms continue.  Unfortunately, this week my backaches were worse than normal.  It got to the point on Saturday that I couldn’t walk.  It was a little bitter sweet for Logan since he has had back pain on and off for a few years now, he knew exactly what I needed to help relieve the pain.  I just hate that it was because he experiences this too that he was helpful.  I have been trying to go to prenatal yoga every week and my instructor showed me some exercises that were extremely helpful.  It is amazing how much stretching properly takes pressure off of your joints.

Back pain or not, it is a small price to pay for this experience.  I will take 20 days of not walking from severe back pain for one day of seeing our baby girl on the sonogram and hearing her heartbeat.  It really does make it all worth it.  

Week 20 - The week we found out that BB is a....

Ever since the day I announced to the world that Logan and I were expecting a baby, the big question that has been asked is if we know if it is a boy or a girl.  I don’t know if it is because people really are curious or if that changes their opinion on how excited they are for the pregnancy, or if it is just something people say.  Just like when you get engaged and people immediately ask, ‘so when is the big day?’  If people were smart enough to know that we wouldn’t know the sex yet, then the next logical question was, ‘so are you going to find out the sex?’  My answer was always the quick Heck Ya we are!  I don’t want a room full of green and yellow onesies.  (Although, that isn’t a bad color combo for my beloved Bulls.)  But then my response is often followed by, oh so you don’t want it to be a surprise?

What do you mean I don’t want it to be a surprise?  Is the only time I can be surprised is when I’m in miserable labor pains to find out what it was all for?  Can’t someone be just as surprised in the sonogram room when you are seeing for the first time what is happening between those baby legs?  I thought it was going to be a surprise either now or later, so what’s the harm in knowing it now?  I can start planning out the nursery, picking out cute outfits and most importantly what we are going to name BB.  Although, BB is growing on me quite a bit and we’ve considered just picking a B name for boy or girl so we can stick to the nickname.

So the time has come, and we are finally going to meet our sweet Baby Boy or Girl.  Leading up to the appointment felt like Christmas did when I was a kid.  The hours couldn’t go by fast enough before our appointment.  Not because I couldn’t wait to start picking out the theme of the room, but more importantly, to ease the anxiety I have been having on whether or not BB is growing at a healthy rate.  I feel like I’ve been in the dark for months.  I get blood work done each week and give urine samples but I never hear anything back.  I know the saying goes no news is good news, but give me something!  If they told me that if I ate 2 bananas a day that my baby would be even healthier then I would add 2 bananas to my diet ASAP.  Luckily, my nerves were calmed at my appointment when everything was measuring right on track; our sweet baby looked great and the dr. didn’t have any concerns with me.  Well… one concern.  My weight.  Still.  I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last visit which is a perfect, however, because I gained so much in the first trimester, I am still 4 lbs over what they want.  Note to self:  STOP SKIPPING THE GYM. 

Now for the big question to be answered.  Is BB a future dancer like mom or baseball player like dad?  (Don’t overthink my stereotyping here.  He/She can do whatever activities they want.)  Logan and I discussed how and when we wanted to find out the news.  We decided we didn’t want to know at the dr. office.  We wanted it to be a private moment that we could share alone.  So we had the tech write down the sex in an envelope for us to open up later.  We headed home from our appointment glowing with excitement that our sweet baby is HEALTHY.  We went out to our patio with Mallory and had a fun discussion about either result and what that meant to us.  We also just talked about how excited we are about this big change in our life.  Then we opened the envelope for the big reveal.  Inside was a sonogram photo with one word written on it.  GIRL.  We are having a sweet little baby girl!

I would love to say that I was in shock when I saw it, but I wasn’t.  I have had this intuition since the day I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to have a little girl.  That with every person who sees me looks at my belly and says, oh yea, you are having a girl.  Even the stranger behind the paint counter at Home Depot suspected that we were having a girl.  I also did all the little wives tales ‘tests’ to see what the sex of your baby will be.  8 out of 10 pointed to GIRL.  Logan was doomed from the start.  He didn’t stand a chance against the fact that there would be a daddy’s little girl to wrap him around her finger.  No more mysteries, no more calling my baby ‘it.’  SHE is doing great and I love talking to HER.  So now the fun really can begin.  I can start thinking names and nursery for our little princess.  I cannot wait to see what the future holds for our family. 

Week 17 - Let the Nesting Begin!

Something happened inside me this week that was as quick as flipping on a light switch.  I wanted to start getting the house ready for the baby, and I wanted it to happen now.  The mental check list began as I thought about all the things we wanted to get for the house.  Most people would think, you just need to get a crib and changing table and call it a day.  However, we have had a friend living with us for the past 7 months and her furniture was filling in the spaces where we were lacking.  We purchased a home that we could ‘grow’ into overtime.  Well, I’m ready to have a growth spurt.

 

My Living Room 'Inspiration' Photo

Since we don’t know the gender yet, I thought the first place I would start is the living room.  I spent each night after work visiting every website imaginable looking for living room ideas.  For the past 11 years Logan and I have enjoyed using hand me downs from relatives.  I call our family room furniture the ‘divorce collection’ because when my parents ended their marriage I am pretty sure my dad just went to rooms to go, asked for the new bachelor special and they wrapped it up.  While there is nothing wrong with second hand furniture and it has been a life saver when we were living paycheck to paycheck, I was excited to pick something out that is actually my style and taste.

 

Then Logan threw me a curve ball.  After spending endless hours crafting my dream living room, Logan shared with me that he has to have a recliner.  He was putting his foot down.  He will have a chair that he can kick up his feet in, lounge back and preferably also have a cup holder to keep his beer in.  Lazy Boy wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my first decorated adult living space.  Back to the drawing board.  As luck would have it, Pottery Barn must have known that this problem arises in marriages because they make the perfect compromise couch.  It had the fabric and color that I was looking for but also happens to have a built in recliner that is discrete enough for me, but functional for Logan.  Because I ordered it online, I haven’t sat in it yet.  Fingers crossed that it is as comfy as it looks.

 

The compromise couch

 

After the couch purchase was done, I became anxious to get everything else on order.  I’d love to have the living room fully functional before the end of November so that the rest of the year can be focused on BB’s space.  Logan, being the amazing husband that he is, could sense my anxiety.  (I’m sure I was laying it on pretty thick.)  We had a free Saturday and he suggested that we spend the day furniture shopping.  What?  My husband who hates everything about malls and crowded spaces, and has never spent time in a furniture store was willingly giving up a lazy Saturday afternoon of college football to go to thrift stores, vintage shops and furniture stores.  Man did he ever earn some serious bonus points with that gesture.  He let me drag him to 9 different shops, and honestly seemed like he was enjoying it.  No complaining or snide comments, just genuine enthusiasm for our new room. 

 

The coolest place that we visited was a place called the Brocante Market in St. Pete.  It is open the first weekend of every month and vendors from all over bring their cool furniture, décor, books, etc.  We got so many great finds there for our new living space.  I was going to share individual photos of everything we got there but instead, once the living room is done, I’ll show some before and after shots.  I’m a fan of those. 

 

As far as how BB and I are feeling, We are still feeling great!  BB has grown to the size of a sweet potato and weighs about the same as a bar of soap.  I am so excited that in a few weeks we find out if BB is a little boy or girl and am having fun dreaming about our new lifestyle.  Other than some normal symptoms of daily heartburn and some new acne that I heard hormones cause, everything is perfect. 

Week 15 – wardrobe malfunctions

Mmmmm… Guacamole.  Creamy avocado mixed with red onion, cilantro, lime and a pinch of salt.  (That is the simple and amazing recipe from Chipotle.)  I could eat it by the gallon.  I know it sounds like I am just sharing a pregnancy craving.  (I have been making Chipotle a little more regular on my routine.)  But I can’t help but think of the amazing flavor of guacamole every time I think of BB, since it has now grown to the size of an avocado.  We were calling the baby-to-be Pickles for a while but a sweet friend from my small group called it BB during a prayer and that has a little nicer ring to it than Pickles.  I do think Pickles is a fantastic name so don’t be surprised if Mallory gets another puppy playmate one day with that name.  BB is only about 5 inches long and 3.5 ounces but by the way I’m lookin I would think that BB is the size of a butternut squash. (Mmmmmmm… Butternut squash soup.  I need to make that soon.)

This seems about right.

BB’s newest trick is being able to make facial expressions.  It can frown, squint, grimace and wince.  If it is anything like it’s mom it will never be able to wink though.  Just squish up its face in a very uncomfortable unattractive manner that should never be used in flirtation.  If I ever were to try to wink at a boy as a way to flirt in my single days, they probably would have called 911 thinking I’m having a seizure.   Thank goodness I got that sarcastic wit from my dad to get those boys flocking towards me.

My newest trick is my flawless way of having regular wardrobe malfunctions.  On a daily basis I have someone pointing out that they can see my zipper that is down because my belly band isn’t covering it properly.  My favorite happened at a meeting earlier this week where I wore a button down top (not a maternity cut) that when I got dressed that morning looked like it still fit me just fine.  Then I went to a meeting where not once, not twice, but seven times I had the middle button pop open to expose my belly button.  Nothing screams professionalism and class like a woman with her ‘poofy’ midsection exposed.  I ended up spending the whole meeting fiddling with the stupid button hoping that I didn’t give too many people a very unwanted peep show.

Winning

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night that is also pregnant.  She is about 7 months in vs. my 4 months.  I was very excited about our date because I wanted to compare pregnancy stories and play a little game called who has it worse.  As sympathetic as Logan tries to be during my extreme highs and lows, it is a lot different when you have the ear of someone who is going through the same thing you are.  For this post, we are going to call the friend ‘winner.’  Here is how the conversation went:

Me:  So how are you feeling?

Winner:  I feel fantastic.

Me:  Did you have a hard time during the first trimester?  Nausea?  Tired?

Winner:  No, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects.  I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant until about 6 months when I finally started showing.  Before that everything was the same.  My clothes fit fine, I haven’t had any weird cravings or aversion to food or anything like that.

Me: (looking down at my very showing belly and thinking about the 4 weeks of pregnancy hangover hell that I experienced.)  How has your energy level been?  Have you been able to work out at all?

Winner:  My energy level has been great and I’ve been working out with a trainer since I became pregnant which has really helped.  I just can’t do some of the exercises and they give me modified versions of it.

Me:  (looking down at my thighs that have exploded from the weeks of choosing the couch over the gym because I could barely lift my head after work.)  That’s great!  I’m so glad to hear you have had such an easy pregnancy. (I hate you.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.)

In all sincerity, I truly am happy to hear that some people really have an easy time with their pregnancy. (Promise, no sarcasm)  The way that I feel some days I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But misery loves company.  And today I was alone.  Alone in my fluffy, out of shape, exhausted, wonderfully pregnant self.  

I might be focusing on the embarrassing self-loathing moments of pregnancy more than the wonderful part – but that doesn’t take away from the great things that I feel on a daily basis too.  I am going to be a mom!  There is going to be a mini-me running around my house.  It is going to have temper-tantrums, break things, spill things, cry and keep me up all night.  But I CAN’T WAIT!  Whenever Logan kisses my belly and says hi to BB I get more and more pumped about this transition our family is going through.  It is going to be awesome.  So while I might not be winning in the pregnancy competition, I am going to cross the finish line of this race and go home with the best prize ever.

Week 14 – Well, you sure are poofy aren’t you?

This week our baby got to experience a new first.  Our little love child traveled with us to St. Augustine for a music festival and enjoyed its first concert.  What a better way to begin your life then by rocking out to a rock legend like John Forgherty and soon to be legends Mumford and Sons.  I can see it now – our little baby dancing in the womb to Down on the Corner.  The weekend almost seemed like it was tailored specifically to Logan and me because the whole city was covered in mustaches.  If it turns out that Mrs. Cleo was wrong and we end up having a Logan Jr. we might just need to have a mustache themed nursery.
 

While in St. Augustine, Logan and I stayed at a very charming bed and breakfast that was run by a sweet English family.  Saturday morning we woke up and went downstairs to enjoy a freshly cooked meal and some wonderful tea.  It was just what I needed after a long night.  Logan mentioned to the owner that I was pregnant and after the sweet congratulations and her pointing out that she can see my ‘baby bump’ she asked how far along I was.  When I responded with 14 weeks she said, ‘Oh, well you sure are poofy for 14 weeks aren’t you.’  (Make sure you read that in a British accent.)  Really?  I need to keep a log of all the inappropriate comments that I get during pregnancy.  Because that is exactly what I want to hear – how poofy I am.  I am going to start telling people I am 8 months so I can start hearing nice things like, well aren’t you just a tiny little thing.  Or wow, you carry it so well.  Rather than saying I’m poofy or pudging up.  For now, I think I am going to google for an image of the fattest pregnant person to post on my fridge so I can say, well at least I don’t look like that.

Confidence Booster!
Two questions popped up after I found this image.
1.  Why did you post this for the world to see?
2.  What photos of me are out there? 
If I googled 'girl who dances like an idiot'
will I find embarassing photos of me from the Ybor days?

Missing: Another shred of dignity

I am amazed on a daily basis by people. Bill Cosby had a show staring kids who say 'the darnest things.' It was cute because of how inappropriate they can be. However, these kids grow up. They grow into inappropriate adults. The best part about it is, most have no idea they are saying something that is best left unsaid. They walk around completely oblivious.

Case in point. I am walking through the office towards the printer, minding my own business when a co-worker calls me over with excitement. She is standing in a group with two other employees who I have not had the pleasure of meeting yet. Then she exclaims with great joy, 'I just heard the news! I've noticed for a few weeks that you have been pudging up, but I didn't want to say anything. So congratulations!'

 
Awesome. I am at the stage in the pregnancy where some women are now showing a little. But in my case, it has been confirmed that my co-workers have been discussing for WEEKS about how I am plumping up. I was actually thinking I was looking pretty good... sure, my pants don't fit and I'm wearing a belly band, but I'm not showing anywhere else right? So now I will be spending the weekend taking measurements of the rest of my body, doing extra cardio sessions and eating a lot more veggies and fewer sweets thanks to Mrs. Uncouth's nonchalant comment. The best part about it was that she was not trying to be rude, in fact, it was the opposite. Nevertheless, I walked away with a little less dignity and now have two more people who I don't know judging my 'pudge.' I just want to go home and watch football and forget about this.

Week 6 - Sweet Pea, Apple of my Eye

Our little blessing has grown from an apple seed to the size of a pea.  I found this out after I was already at work and checked my ‘Bump App.’ I text messaged Logan instantly and he responded that we have a little ‘sweet pea.’  Then right away he put on Amos Lee’s ‘Sweet Pea’ on Spotify.  That made my heart smile.  All week long he was asking about how our little sweet pea was doing.  Our sweet pea is developing eyes, ears and other facial features.  I am not sure when you start feeling side effects, but fortunately for me, I haven’t had any yet.  I feel great.  It is almost like the feeling I had when Logan and I first started dating.  You get the butterfly feeling every time he is around and are wondering about what the future might hold.  I keep thinking about what it is going to feel like when I get my first baby kick and how we are going to decorate the nursery or if we think it’s going to be a ballerina or a baseball player.  Each sweet thought gives me butterflies.    Each day this is becoming more real.  We are going to spend the weekend talking insurance and how much we need to start saving which means it is actually happening.  I am going to be a mom.

Week 5 - Yep, Still Pregnant

I woke up a week later and took another test to confirm.  Yep, still pregnant.  How does that keep happening?  I can’t believe that I actually have a person growing inside me.  This week the baby has developed from a poppy seed to an apple seed.  At this stage our baby was developing its central nervous system:  the brain, spinal cord, spinal nerves and backbone.  The middle layer will develop into the circulatory system and the bottom layer is where the lungs, intestines, thyroid and other major internal organs will develop. 

So what does this mean for me?  I need to start getting used to this lifestyle change.  Basically all my favorite foods are now off limit and I need to learn how to function without caffeine.  Water is my new best friend and mocktails will become the norm.  The alcohol aspect so far is the hardest part.  Not the ‘I can’t drink anymore’ part but the explaining why I’m not drinking to my friends and making excuses for it.  I might just have to become a hermit for the next few months.  I scheduled my first dr. appointment for the end of the month and am starting to read up a lot.  My main focus is keeping my body healthy.  I want to continue to spend a lot of time in the gym while also pumping myself full of vitamins, fruits and veggies. 

The best part so far?  Logan’s excitement.  He cannot wait to be a dad.  It reassures how ready we are to become a family and it makes me really look forward to doing this partnership together.  I am truly blessed to have a partner like him for these big life events.

Week 1 (technically week 4)

Logan and I really enjoy our freedom.  I mean, a lot.  We always had plans and activities going on every weekend, would take extended vacations and would use any moment we had to play.  We also do not rush into any decisions that we make in life.  We dated for 5 years before Logan proposed to me, then spent two years engaged before finally getting married.  We were also married for 5 years before we even began the conversation about having children.  The truth is we both were so in love with each other and had so much fun being carefree that having a family wasn’t a high priority.  

But then we had a change in our mindset.  We bought a beautiful home that was much bigger than the two of us needed, I celebrated my 30^th birthday, and all of our friends were catching up to us with getting married and settled down. 

After many discussions we decided that it was the right timing for us to try to start a family.  We had a few events coming up and agreed that June was a good time to begin trying.  We also discussed the possibility that children might not be in God’s plan for us.  There is always a chance that we could try for years, and it just not happen.  But we were okay with that.  If kids weren’t in our future, we would continue being happy together just us.  (Secretly though, we were both crossing our fingers and praying that our plan B would never come to fruition.)

Little did we know how ready we were to have children because after only one month of trying we were pregnant!  They say that you just know, and I knew that morning when I took the test what the response was going to be before I even looked at it.  As soon as I saw that word on the digital screen, I woke up Logan with the news.  The only way to describe the feeling was surreal.  It was actually happening.  Right after the surreal emotions of excitement came a big mental question mark of ‘now what?’

Because I am a smart phone addict, I quickly jumped on Google and started doing searches of ‘I just found out I’m pregnant, now what do I do.’  I downloaded a few apps on my phone to track my progress and started obsessing over what I needed to do to make sure I kept my body as healthy as possible.  The coolest thing about the app is it tells you the size of your baby each week.  When I put in the date of my last period, I discovered that my ‘week 1’ of being pregnant was actually week 4 of the child’s development.  If he or she grows up with a taste for whiskey, I will be the one to blame since that is what I was drinking at a wedding the weekend before.  (Don’t worry; I did extensive research that said that there is nothing to worry about this early on.)  After I found out I was 4 weeks a long I also discovered that my baby is now the size of a poppy seed. 

I made a big mistake by taking the test first thing Monday morning.  You can only imagine how productive I was at work that week.  Luckily, it was July 1^st and we had a short week.  There weren’t a lot of people in the office since we had a long weekend ahead of us so I didn’t have to worry about too many people looking over my shoulder as I Googled every subject from what foods to avoid to baby announcement ideas.  

Just because I was proud of my crafting,
here is my 4th of July wreath

Timing is funny though because a few days later, Logan and I were hosting a 4^th of July party with about 40 of our friends and family in our home and I couldn’t tell anyone this big secret I am keeping inside while also avoiding alcohol without making it obvious.  And I HATE to lie.  I was able to dodge the issue for the most part though.  I wanted to tell every person that crossed our path the exciting news, but our better judgment told us to wait until I am at least 3 months along.  (A LONG 3 months.)  For now, Logan and I just get to share the best secret we’ve had so far.