Week 21 - Reality Check

It has finally hit me.  Rather than carrying around a fetus, I am actually feeling like I am helping develop a person.  And not just any person, a sweet little baby girl.  All week long I have had visions of mundane activities of us with our little princess.  Most of them are visions of Logan holding our daughter.  I keep picturing him with this little girl sitting on his lap while he reads her a book or her pulling at his pant legs to get his attention.  The moments I see are always something that would be very trivial in the day-to-day, but monumental in the changes that are about to happen as our family grows.

Mallory and BB are ready for Halloween!

This reality that I am facing as I start thinking more and more about ‘her’ instead of ‘it’ has made everything sink in more.  What all do I need to do before the baby comes to feel prepared?  What will our life look like once she is here?  Are we going to be ready?  We have started a ‘check list’ of things we wanted to finish around the house before she comes, but I have been putting off the ‘new baby’ checklist.  Anytime I start thinking about registering, decorating the nursery, testing out strollers, taking classes at the hospital, etc. etc. etc. I become overwhelmed.  So… I will continue putting it off for a few more weeks.  Lets just focus on the house for now and worry about the baby later.

 

As for me, the symptoms continue.  Unfortunately, this week my backaches were worse than normal.  It got to the point on Saturday that I couldn’t walk.  It was a little bitter sweet for Logan since he has had back pain on and off for a few years now, he knew exactly what I needed to help relieve the pain.  I just hate that it was because he experiences this too that he was helpful.  I have been trying to go to prenatal yoga every week and my instructor showed me some exercises that were extremely helpful.  It is amazing how much stretching properly takes pressure off of your joints.

Back pain or not, it is a small price to pay for this experience.  I will take 20 days of not walking from severe back pain for one day of seeing our baby girl on the sonogram and hearing her heartbeat.  It really does make it all worth it.  

Week 20 - The week we found out that BB is a....

Ever since the day I announced to the world that Logan and I were expecting a baby, the big question that has been asked is if we know if it is a boy or a girl.  I don’t know if it is because people really are curious or if that changes their opinion on how excited they are for the pregnancy, or if it is just something people say.  Just like when you get engaged and people immediately ask, ‘so when is the big day?’  If people were smart enough to know that we wouldn’t know the sex yet, then the next logical question was, ‘so are you going to find out the sex?’  My answer was always the quick Heck Ya we are!  I don’t want a room full of green and yellow onesies.  (Although, that isn’t a bad color combo for my beloved Bulls.)  But then my response is often followed by, oh so you don’t want it to be a surprise?

What do you mean I don’t want it to be a surprise?  Is the only time I can be surprised is when I’m in miserable labor pains to find out what it was all for?  Can’t someone be just as surprised in the sonogram room when you are seeing for the first time what is happening between those baby legs?  I thought it was going to be a surprise either now or later, so what’s the harm in knowing it now?  I can start planning out the nursery, picking out cute outfits and most importantly what we are going to name BB.  Although, BB is growing on me quite a bit and we’ve considered just picking a B name for boy or girl so we can stick to the nickname.

So the time has come, and we are finally going to meet our sweet Baby Boy or Girl.  Leading up to the appointment felt like Christmas did when I was a kid.  The hours couldn’t go by fast enough before our appointment.  Not because I couldn’t wait to start picking out the theme of the room, but more importantly, to ease the anxiety I have been having on whether or not BB is growing at a healthy rate.  I feel like I’ve been in the dark for months.  I get blood work done each week and give urine samples but I never hear anything back.  I know the saying goes no news is good news, but give me something!  If they told me that if I ate 2 bananas a day that my baby would be even healthier then I would add 2 bananas to my diet ASAP.  Luckily, my nerves were calmed at my appointment when everything was measuring right on track; our sweet baby looked great and the dr. didn’t have any concerns with me.  Well… one concern.  My weight.  Still.  I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last visit which is a perfect, however, because I gained so much in the first trimester, I am still 4 lbs over what they want.  Note to self:  STOP SKIPPING THE GYM. 

Now for the big question to be answered.  Is BB a future dancer like mom or baseball player like dad?  (Don’t overthink my stereotyping here.  He/She can do whatever activities they want.)  Logan and I discussed how and when we wanted to find out the news.  We decided we didn’t want to know at the dr. office.  We wanted it to be a private moment that we could share alone.  So we had the tech write down the sex in an envelope for us to open up later.  We headed home from our appointment glowing with excitement that our sweet baby is HEALTHY.  We went out to our patio with Mallory and had a fun discussion about either result and what that meant to us.  We also just talked about how excited we are about this big change in our life.  Then we opened the envelope for the big reveal.  Inside was a sonogram photo with one word written on it.  GIRL.  We are having a sweet little baby girl!

I would love to say that I was in shock when I saw it, but I wasn’t.  I have had this intuition since the day I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to have a little girl.  That with every person who sees me looks at my belly and says, oh yea, you are having a girl.  Even the stranger behind the paint counter at Home Depot suspected that we were having a girl.  I also did all the little wives tales ‘tests’ to see what the sex of your baby will be.  8 out of 10 pointed to GIRL.  Logan was doomed from the start.  He didn’t stand a chance against the fact that there would be a daddy’s little girl to wrap him around her finger.  No more mysteries, no more calling my baby ‘it.’  SHE is doing great and I love talking to HER.  So now the fun really can begin.  I can start thinking names and nursery for our little princess.  I cannot wait to see what the future holds for our family. 

Week 19 – Another pregnancy symptom checked off the list.

So… babies.  They seem to be a lot of work.  (I know, mind blown.)  I’ve been trying to read various baby books each night to help me get mentally prepared for what is going to come.  The one I am reading now, Babywise, is not putting me at ease.  There was a 20 page chapter dedicated to breast feeding.  It covered techniques in holding the baby, latching, how much to feed each time, how often to feed, and the list goes on.  At the end of the chapter I was more confused than when I started.  Why is it that something that is so natural and what we were put on this earth to do, is so complicated? 

I mean, look at any other mammal.  They don’t read books or have coaches telling them what to do.  A male comes up when she’s not expecting it, knocks her up then a few months later she finds a quiet place in the woods gives birth and goes straight into feeding.  No big deal.  It’s just what they do.  Babies grow up just fine (assuming nothing bigger than it kills it.)  They don’t worry about allergies or if it has been 2 hours on the dot since it’s last feeding.  So it makes me wonder, in our age of technology and endless studies, have we made it all over complicated?

 

The other thing that I struggle with is that all of these books are based on opinions.  Sure, they are educated opinions that have a ton of case studies to back it up, but at the end of the day, they are still just someone’s opinion on how you should raise your child.  So how do you know what is right?  And why is it that no matter which way you decide to go, someone else is going to be judging you as a bad parent if you are doing a technique or method that is different than theirs.  And when the child grows older and into a young adult, if they turn out to have issues, it always goes back to what decisions we made when it was an infant and the judging and blame continue.

So while I would like to say that I am able to just toss out these books and say screw it, I’ll just wing it and hope for the best, unfortunately I can’t.  I will continue to read these books, pick out the one that seems to make the most sense to me and still screw up my child in the process.  No matter what method I choose, whether it is on the clock feeding, cry it out methods or something else, my 20 something year old child will end up in a therapist office complaining about their relationship issues and the finger will be pointed right back to me.

In a few days we find out what we are having!

But as of right now, BB and I have an amazing relationship.  BB depends on me, goes everywhere I go and loves the same foods I do.  Maybe this is why some women LOVE to be pregnant.  It is that perfect time where you are completely in control of the unflawed life growing inside you.  I have officially hit the half-way point in the pregnancy which is both scary and exciting.  I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.  BB is now the size of a mango and has developed its 5 senses.  Next week we will find out if BB is a boy or a girl and I CANNOT WAIT!  I am still feeling great as far as my energy level is concerned, but have determined that I will get every possible pregnancy symptom possible.  A new one pops up on a weekly basis. 

This week’s was extra special.  I was at work late in the day when I started to feel unbelievable pain.  My abdomen started to have severe shooting pains; I had sharp pains up and down my right side which lead to shoulder pain and a little bit of numbness in my arm.  My chest was extremely tight making it painful to breath.  I thought for sure, either something is seriously wrong with the baby or I’m having a heart attack.  I left the office early to head to the Dr.  On the way I called Logan in a panic to get the phone number so I could call them.  When I got through to the nurse and described my symptoms she immediately dismissed it.  She said it was gas.  GAS?!  Didn’t you hear me about the numbness and the pain in my shoulder?  ‘Yes ma’am, gas can cause pains even in your shoulder. If it doesn’t go away by tomorrow after taking some gas-x or if the pain gets worse then head to the emergency room.’ 

 

Of course when I got off the phone I called Logan since I’m sure I freaked him out with my hysterical call earlier and he couldn’t help but laugh when I told him what was actually wrong.  The nurse did reassure me that I was not the first woman to call in a panic over this, but that I should be fine.  Other than shame and embarrassment that I am currently feeling, she was right.  I took the medicine and felt relief right away.  One more item I can check off the list as a pregnancy experience.  Thank you once again BB for taking away a little more of mommy’s dignity.  By the time BB arrives, any pride I might still have will be gone and I will be a very humbled woman. 

Week 17 - Let the Nesting Begin!

Something happened inside me this week that was as quick as flipping on a light switch.  I wanted to start getting the house ready for the baby, and I wanted it to happen now.  The mental check list began as I thought about all the things we wanted to get for the house.  Most people would think, you just need to get a crib and changing table and call it a day.  However, we have had a friend living with us for the past 7 months and her furniture was filling in the spaces where we were lacking.  We purchased a home that we could ‘grow’ into overtime.  Well, I’m ready to have a growth spurt.

 

My Living Room 'Inspiration' Photo

Since we don’t know the gender yet, I thought the first place I would start is the living room.  I spent each night after work visiting every website imaginable looking for living room ideas.  For the past 11 years Logan and I have enjoyed using hand me downs from relatives.  I call our family room furniture the ‘divorce collection’ because when my parents ended their marriage I am pretty sure my dad just went to rooms to go, asked for the new bachelor special and they wrapped it up.  While there is nothing wrong with second hand furniture and it has been a life saver when we were living paycheck to paycheck, I was excited to pick something out that is actually my style and taste.

 

Then Logan threw me a curve ball.  After spending endless hours crafting my dream living room, Logan shared with me that he has to have a recliner.  He was putting his foot down.  He will have a chair that he can kick up his feet in, lounge back and preferably also have a cup holder to keep his beer in.  Lazy Boy wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my first decorated adult living space.  Back to the drawing board.  As luck would have it, Pottery Barn must have known that this problem arises in marriages because they make the perfect compromise couch.  It had the fabric and color that I was looking for but also happens to have a built in recliner that is discrete enough for me, but functional for Logan.  Because I ordered it online, I haven’t sat in it yet.  Fingers crossed that it is as comfy as it looks.

 

The compromise couch

 

After the couch purchase was done, I became anxious to get everything else on order.  I’d love to have the living room fully functional before the end of November so that the rest of the year can be focused on BB’s space.  Logan, being the amazing husband that he is, could sense my anxiety.  (I’m sure I was laying it on pretty thick.)  We had a free Saturday and he suggested that we spend the day furniture shopping.  What?  My husband who hates everything about malls and crowded spaces, and has never spent time in a furniture store was willingly giving up a lazy Saturday afternoon of college football to go to thrift stores, vintage shops and furniture stores.  Man did he ever earn some serious bonus points with that gesture.  He let me drag him to 9 different shops, and honestly seemed like he was enjoying it.  No complaining or snide comments, just genuine enthusiasm for our new room. 

 

The coolest place that we visited was a place called the Brocante Market in St. Pete.  It is open the first weekend of every month and vendors from all over bring their cool furniture, décor, books, etc.  We got so many great finds there for our new living space.  I was going to share individual photos of everything we got there but instead, once the living room is done, I’ll show some before and after shots.  I’m a fan of those. 

 

As far as how BB and I are feeling, We are still feeling great!  BB has grown to the size of a sweet potato and weighs about the same as a bar of soap.  I am so excited that in a few weeks we find out if BB is a little boy or girl and am having fun dreaming about our new lifestyle.  Other than some normal symptoms of daily heartburn and some new acne that I heard hormones cause, everything is perfect. 

Week 16 - Feeling awesome

I love looking at my ‘bump’ app on a daily basis.  It always has fun facts on it about the baby’s development and gives little tips along the way.  My favorite day to look is on Wednesday because that is when I get to see how big the baby is going to be for the upcoming week.  Normally it is cute fruits and veggies like the sweet pea week or my little blueberry.  This week was a little disappointing.  BB is the size of an onion.  Really?  Onion is the only thing you can come up with.  Sure, I love some caramelized onions on just about anything but it isn’t exactly a ‘cute’ fruit or veggie.

When you think of your sweet newborn you want to think of all things perfect and pure.  The baby smell after they take their bath and have their footie pajamas on with little monkeys on the feet.  Or the peaceful way they look when they are sleeping.  That is what my mind drifts to when I see it is the size of a Georgia Peach.  But for some reason, onion doesn’t take me there.  It takes me to waking up in the middle of the night to a screaming baby or the joy of changing a poopy diaper.  So… I’m changing it.  The heck with you bump app.  So I am going with a large Pink Lady Apple.  Wait… if I end up having a boy, maybe that isn’t the best selection.  I am going with a large Honeycrisp Apple.  Ah… now I can get back to fantasizing about rocking my sweet, perfect BB to sleep.

 

Week 16 has been awesome.  I had another doctor appointment which always makes me happy because it confirms that there is still something growing inside me.  Since I haven’t gotten to the ‘flutters’ or kicking stage yet, I like having a reminder that I really am pregnant and not bloated.  While I didn’t get to see a sonogram which is a little bit of a bummer, I did get to hear the heartbeat.  I am really tempted to buying my own fetal Doppler.  I could listen to my baby’s heartbeat all night.  Call it hormones, but every time I hear the repetition of the heartbeat my eyes swell with tears and I get a little choked up.  I am making this. 

The only downside was that the doctor did confirm what I already knew was true.  I am gaining weight a little quicker than what they would like to see.  Then she made a little joke about how ice cream isn’t a food group and I couldn’t help but lower my head a little bit in shame since I definitely made myself a milkshake the night before.  Do I get any points for making it with Organic milk with extra Omega 3’s and DHA?  The milkshake is for the baby!  I want it to have healthy brain development. (Totally justified.)

But the good news is that I feel awesome.  I really think the worst is behind me (for now) and I’m taking advantage of it.  I went to the gym 3 times this week and did yoga once.  I’m saying goodbye to the ice cream for now and am going to seriously reduce the extra carbs that I don’t need.  While I will not deny that I have my indulgences, I am proud of how healthy 90% of my diet has been.  I do a smoothie every morning for breakfast, eat a ton of fruits and veggies, and for the most part am sticking to lean proteins.  Here are a few of my favorite recipes that anyone (preggers or not) would enjoy:

 

Tropical Smoothie

1 banana

1 handful of fresh or frozen pineapple

1 handful of frozen mangos

1 carrot or a cup of chopped carrots (I swear you can’t taste it.)

Pack the rest of the blender with raw fresh spinach – roughly 1.5 cups (again you won’t taste it)

Fill with OJ and blend

If you don’t use any frozen fruit then you will want to add ice to make it nice and cold but it is delish!

 

Berry Smoothie

1 banana

1 cup of frozen strawberries

1 handful of frozen blueberries

Lots of raw fresh spinach – 1.5-2 cups

Fill with vanilla almond milk and blend

 

What I love about these is because you are adding raw veggies to it; you are getting all of the nutrients.  Nothing is being stripped like it does when you cook them.  Plus you are getting your day’s serving so if you don’t make the best choices the rest of the day; you at least gave your body what you need.  And the fruit hides the flavor and makes it delicious! 

 

Butternut and Carrot Soup

Ingredients:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

4 carrots, sliced

3 stalks celery, diced

2 small or one large butternut squash, peeled and chopped

5 cups vegetable broth

2 tbsp chopped fresh sage

Cayenne pepper

salt and pepper to taste

 

Preparation:

In a large soup pot, sauté the onion and garlic in olive oil until onions turn soft, about 3 to 5 minutes.

Add the carrots and celery and cook for another 3 to 5 minutes.

Add the squash and stir just to coat, then add the vegetable broth and sage. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a slow simmer. Allow to cook for at least 25 minutes, or until squash is soft.

Add a touch of cayenne pepper and a little salt and pepper to taste

Puree the soup in a food processor or blender.

I ate this for 5 meals in one week and already want to make it again!  It tastes like autumn in a bowl.

Week 15 – wardrobe malfunctions

Mmmmm… Guacamole.  Creamy avocado mixed with red onion, cilantro, lime and a pinch of salt.  (That is the simple and amazing recipe from Chipotle.)  I could eat it by the gallon.  I know it sounds like I am just sharing a pregnancy craving.  (I have been making Chipotle a little more regular on my routine.)  But I can’t help but think of the amazing flavor of guacamole every time I think of BB, since it has now grown to the size of an avocado.  We were calling the baby-to-be Pickles for a while but a sweet friend from my small group called it BB during a prayer and that has a little nicer ring to it than Pickles.  I do think Pickles is a fantastic name so don’t be surprised if Mallory gets another puppy playmate one day with that name.  BB is only about 5 inches long and 3.5 ounces but by the way I’m lookin I would think that BB is the size of a butternut squash. (Mmmmmmm… Butternut squash soup.  I need to make that soon.)

This seems about right.

BB’s newest trick is being able to make facial expressions.  It can frown, squint, grimace and wince.  If it is anything like it’s mom it will never be able to wink though.  Just squish up its face in a very uncomfortable unattractive manner that should never be used in flirtation.  If I ever were to try to wink at a boy as a way to flirt in my single days, they probably would have called 911 thinking I’m having a seizure.   Thank goodness I got that sarcastic wit from my dad to get those boys flocking towards me.

My newest trick is my flawless way of having regular wardrobe malfunctions.  On a daily basis I have someone pointing out that they can see my zipper that is down because my belly band isn’t covering it properly.  My favorite happened at a meeting earlier this week where I wore a button down top (not a maternity cut) that when I got dressed that morning looked like it still fit me just fine.  Then I went to a meeting where not once, not twice, but seven times I had the middle button pop open to expose my belly button.  Nothing screams professionalism and class like a woman with her ‘poofy’ midsection exposed.  I ended up spending the whole meeting fiddling with the stupid button hoping that I didn’t give too many people a very unwanted peep show.

Winning

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night that is also pregnant.  She is about 7 months in vs. my 4 months.  I was very excited about our date because I wanted to compare pregnancy stories and play a little game called who has it worse.  As sympathetic as Logan tries to be during my extreme highs and lows, it is a lot different when you have the ear of someone who is going through the same thing you are.  For this post, we are going to call the friend ‘winner.’  Here is how the conversation went:

Me:  So how are you feeling?

Winner:  I feel fantastic.

Me:  Did you have a hard time during the first trimester?  Nausea?  Tired?

Winner:  No, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects.  I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant until about 6 months when I finally started showing.  Before that everything was the same.  My clothes fit fine, I haven’t had any weird cravings or aversion to food or anything like that.

Me: (looking down at my very showing belly and thinking about the 4 weeks of pregnancy hangover hell that I experienced.)  How has your energy level been?  Have you been able to work out at all?

Winner:  My energy level has been great and I’ve been working out with a trainer since I became pregnant which has really helped.  I just can’t do some of the exercises and they give me modified versions of it.

Me:  (looking down at my thighs that have exploded from the weeks of choosing the couch over the gym because I could barely lift my head after work.)  That’s great!  I’m so glad to hear you have had such an easy pregnancy. (I hate you.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.)

In all sincerity, I truly am happy to hear that some people really have an easy time with their pregnancy. (Promise, no sarcasm)  The way that I feel some days I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But misery loves company.  And today I was alone.  Alone in my fluffy, out of shape, exhausted, wonderfully pregnant self.  

I might be focusing on the embarrassing self-loathing moments of pregnancy more than the wonderful part – but that doesn’t take away from the great things that I feel on a daily basis too.  I am going to be a mom!  There is going to be a mini-me running around my house.  It is going to have temper-tantrums, break things, spill things, cry and keep me up all night.  But I CAN’T WAIT!  Whenever Logan kisses my belly and says hi to BB I get more and more pumped about this transition our family is going through.  It is going to be awesome.  So while I might not be winning in the pregnancy competition, I am going to cross the finish line of this race and go home with the best prize ever.

Week 14 – Well, you sure are poofy aren’t you?

This week our baby got to experience a new first.  Our little love child traveled with us to St. Augustine for a music festival and enjoyed its first concert.  What a better way to begin your life then by rocking out to a rock legend like John Forgherty and soon to be legends Mumford and Sons.  I can see it now – our little baby dancing in the womb to Down on the Corner.  The weekend almost seemed like it was tailored specifically to Logan and me because the whole city was covered in mustaches.  If it turns out that Mrs. Cleo was wrong and we end up having a Logan Jr. we might just need to have a mustache themed nursery.
 

While in St. Augustine, Logan and I stayed at a very charming bed and breakfast that was run by a sweet English family.  Saturday morning we woke up and went downstairs to enjoy a freshly cooked meal and some wonderful tea.  It was just what I needed after a long night.  Logan mentioned to the owner that I was pregnant and after the sweet congratulations and her pointing out that she can see my ‘baby bump’ she asked how far along I was.  When I responded with 14 weeks she said, ‘Oh, well you sure are poofy for 14 weeks aren’t you.’  (Make sure you read that in a British accent.)  Really?  I need to keep a log of all the inappropriate comments that I get during pregnancy.  Because that is exactly what I want to hear – how poofy I am.  I am going to start telling people I am 8 months so I can start hearing nice things like, well aren’t you just a tiny little thing.  Or wow, you carry it so well.  Rather than saying I’m poofy or pudging up.  For now, I think I am going to google for an image of the fattest pregnant person to post on my fridge so I can say, well at least I don’t look like that.

Confidence Booster!
Two questions popped up after I found this image.
1.  Why did you post this for the world to see?
2.  What photos of me are out there? 
If I googled 'girl who dances like an idiot'
will I find embarassing photos of me from the Ybor days?

Week 13 – Mrs. Cleo’s prediction

Second Trimester is here!  Whoo Hoo!  I made it.  Magically I am supposed to have more energy, no more sickness and feel back to normal.  Right?  Right?!  Well, I will say that it is better than it was before, however we are not in the clear yet.  I am eating normal which is great and most of the foods I crave are all healthy.  I cannot get enough fruit in my diet.  I crave it all the time.  Especially pineapple.  I have been eating so much pineapple I had to look up side effects to see if there was anything I should be concerned about if I eat too much of it. 

I have been feeling good enough to start doing more exercising again.  The only downside has been these wicked headaches that I get every day and how tired I am.  It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, how good I eat and how much I try to take it easy on myself, the headaches don’t go away.  I decided to try prenatal yoga this week which has been the first thing that has made my headache go away.  I will definitely be making that a weekly addition to my routine! 

How did this happen to Daisy Duke?

However, I cannot get over how self-conscious I am about my weight gain.  Yes it has stayed in the belly which is great but it seems to have happened much quicker than most women.  There was a girl in my yoga class who’s belly was half my size and she was 18 weeks!  When I told her how far along I was her facial expression said it all.  Maybe all this fruit isn’t as good for me as I thought…Oh well, I just keep reminding myself that as long as I feel healthy and the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter if I get Jessica Simpson big. 

The further along I am getting in my pregnancy the more I start to think about this little person inside of me.  The biggest question on my mind is if I have a little baseball player or ballerina inside me.  I have had a feeling the whole time that it is going to be a little girl.  Really because I feel like that would be my karma since I was such a delight to raise especially in the teen years.  (Sarcasm could not be thicker.)  My mom put any questions that we might have aside and confirmed the sex of our baby with her visit to her psychic.  During her reading she was told that my first child would be a girl and that my second would be twins.  Twins?!  Man I hope she is wrong… that seems like way too much to handle.  She also said I would be going back to school to do something different with my life.  So I have that going for me.  The countdown has officially begun.  7 more weeks to see if Mrs. Cleo is more accurate then science.  

Call me now for a free readin' (Say it in a Jamacian Accent.)

Missing: Another shred of dignity

I am amazed on a daily basis by people. Bill Cosby had a show staring kids who say 'the darnest things.' It was cute because of how inappropriate they can be. However, these kids grow up. They grow into inappropriate adults. The best part about it is, most have no idea they are saying something that is best left unsaid. They walk around completely oblivious.

Case in point. I am walking through the office towards the printer, minding my own business when a co-worker calls me over with excitement. She is standing in a group with two other employees who I have not had the pleasure of meeting yet. Then she exclaims with great joy, 'I just heard the news! I've noticed for a few weeks that you have been pudging up, but I didn't want to say anything. So congratulations!'

 
Awesome. I am at the stage in the pregnancy where some women are now showing a little. But in my case, it has been confirmed that my co-workers have been discussing for WEEKS about how I am plumping up. I was actually thinking I was looking pretty good... sure, my pants don't fit and I'm wearing a belly band, but I'm not showing anywhere else right? So now I will be spending the weekend taking measurements of the rest of my body, doing extra cardio sessions and eating a lot more veggies and fewer sweets thanks to Mrs. Uncouth's nonchalant comment. The best part about it was that she was not trying to be rude, in fact, it was the opposite. Nevertheless, I walked away with a little less dignity and now have two more people who I don't know judging my 'pudge.' I just want to go home and watch football and forget about this.

Week 12 - Blessed in more ways than one.

This was a big week.  I had butterflies in my stomach leading up to our doctor’s appointment.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to put the fear of a miscarriage behind us.  At 12 weeks, we should be able to see something on the sonogram that actually resembles a person.  At 12 weeks, we can finally shout from the rooftop to all of our friends and family that our family of 2 is growing.  So to me, this was a big week.

I tried my best not to keep myself up the night before playing the ‘what if’ game.  Instead, I said a simple prayer first thanking God for this amazing opportunity but then, no matter what his will is for me and this baby, that I will be okay with it.  God blessed us once again when we sat in that sonogram room and saw our sweet little baby and heard its little heartbeat.  I had a huge sigh of relief.  I am on the right road to having a healthy baby continue its development.

The rest of the day I was simply glowing with excitement.  I can share the news with all of our friends and family.  The next few days would be all about Baby Barile.  I was most excited to tell all of my mommy friends.  Our little circle has moved from new marriages to new babies over the past few years and it was my turn to join the club.  I knew that they would be happy to have another woman to share this with.  And I am excited to talk to people who have been through what I am going through!

The timing was perfect because we were heading down to the keys for the weekend with a group of amazing people to celebrate our good friend Sammy’s birthday.  It was the first trip I didn’t have to hide my pregnancy and when I shared the news I was embraced with excitement.  It was also the first time in 15 years that I experienced Duval Street in Key West sober.  That was an eye opener to say the least.  But we couldn’t have asked for a better group of couples to go down there with. 

Logan and I discussed on our drive back how we have really been blessed with a great diverse group of friends to celebrate these moments of our lives together.  People who are truly caring and genuinely sweet people who would do anything for their friends.  I felt honored to be included as part of the group and look forward to developing these friendships even further as I enter into this next stage in life.  College spring break mentality morphed into weekend getaways with girlfriends to now vacations with our friends and their families.  It is an interesting transition but one that I am ready to embrace with open arms. 

Week 11 - So did you plan this?

Every week that goes by the more reality kicks in that I am going to be a momma and that there is life growing inside me.  This week was one of many milestones.  Not only has my baby officially grown to the ‘fetus’ stage and is the size of a lime, but Logan and I have also started sharing the news with people.  Our plan is that anytime we get to see people in person we would share the news with them but just ask that they don’t blast it yet through social media.  I ordered some cards to send out to our family and friends and unfortunately, had to tell my boss at work. 

The reason why I say unfortunately is because of the circumstances that caused me to divulge the information.  Originally I was going to wait until after Labor Day.  Instead, while having my mid-year review, pregnancy hormones kicked in and I got emotional.  This was great.   My first chance to show George how well I take criticism and we can have a real candid conversation about my performance, and I look like a teenage girl getting scolded by her father. The worst part was, it was a fantastic review!  Any items that I was told I need to work on were things I was already aware of and for the most part I was told that he was overall happy with my performance.  No reason for me to be upset, if these things bothered me.  But I pride myself in my ability to take constructive criticism.  So I had to fess up.  I told George that if my eyes were glassy it had nothing to do with our conversation, but was because I am pregnant.  It was a relief to get it off my chest and good timing since (I didn’t know this yet) but the next Monday I needed to take a day off because of how badly I felt.  George was very happy for me and I felt a weight lifted now that I didn’t have a secret. 

We also began sharing the news with some friends.  Female friends were beyond excited and started asking about name ideas, how I was feeling, etc.  My male friends were more concerned on if this was planned and if I am happy.  I guess when you are a single man you don’t think that someone would get knocked up on purpose.  First question after I said guess what, Logan and I are pregnant was - so was this planned?  Should I be happy for you?  Logan and I have been dating since I was 19 and I am now 30.  Don’t you think that if we were going to get ‘accidently’ pregnant it would have been when I was 21 and stupid instead of in my 30s?  But the overall feeling that everyone shared was that if we were happy, they were happy for us.  And the truth is, Logan and I couldn’t be happier. 

Week 10 - All about the Grandparents

This was a fun week for us and one we have been looking forward to since the day we read ‘pregnant’ on the pee stick. This was the week we were going to share the good news with our parents.  We were waiting until after we had our dr. appointment to make sure everything was on track before we told anyone.  Now that we had the green light it was time to share with those closest to us.  We are still waiting until 12 weeks to make the ‘big’ announcement, but in the meantime, Logan and I could finally share what we have wanted to scream from the mountaintops. 

Now, the question of how we were going to tell them was a conversation of discussion that Logan and I had over a few weeks.  I wanted to have everyone over together because I didn’t think it was fair for one parent to find out before the other.  However, when you have the interesting dynamic of divorced parents, it makes the subject a little more sensitive.  Ultimately we decided to have a more intimate conversation with each parent individually and we would do it all over one weekend so that the most any parent would know before the other would be 48 hours.  Sure, we could have called them each within minutes, but then I don’t get to see the expression on their faces!

The plan was set, we would tell Margie on her birthday (Thursday) followed by my dad on Friday and my mom on Saturday.  We had a meal set up with each of them and had special gifts for them to open to find out that they were now going to be grandparents.  I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction from each of them.  All of their responses to our news fit true to their personalities which reconfirmed we did it the right way by doing it separately.  I found these really cute ‘announcement’ eggs on etsy to give to the moms.  When they crack the egg a small piece of paper is inside that says that we are pregnant with our due date.

When Margie opened hers, she instantly got emotional and screamed.  I loved it!  She kept saying it was the best birthday present ever.  It was the exact ‘Margie’ reaction I was hoping for.  My mom didn’t disappoint either.  When she opened hers she stated that she had given up on us.  She thought that we were going to just stay kid-less and travel the world.  (Which she was right in we did have that thought cross our mind many times.)    But most importantly she said that she didn’t care as long as we were happy.  Which we are, and know we made the best decision!

A Birthday Dinner that none of us will forget.

Dad’s reaction was just as classic.  I got him a mug that said ‘this dad is being promoted to grandpa.’  When he opened it up, he gave me a puzzled look and asked, ‘you’re pregnant?’  When I said yes and he hugged me to say congratulations, that was immediately followed with, ‘so no problems with that ovary?’  Which was a perfect question since the only other time the conversation of me having kids has come up with my father was last year when we were in the Keys and he said so eloquently, ‘can you even get pregnant with that bum ovary of yours?’  He did follow up the natural stunned reaction to being a grandfather with a text message the next day telling me how excited he is to be Grandpa Z.  (It has a good ring to it, Papa Z.)

It was such a joy to celebrate this next step with our parents this way and was a wonderful way to spend the weekend.  This little baby was the focus of our whole weekend.  Beyond telling the parents, I also started reading a book on parenthood, watched 2 documentaries on midwifes and took two hospital tours to see how we want to proceed with the pregnancy.  The next few weeks are going to be information overload until we feel comfortable with how we start this new life together.  I’m looking forward to every minute of it.