Week 34 - 6 weeks to go

The countdown to D Day continues. If it wasn't for the little issue of my short term disability doesn't kick in until March 1st, I would be doing everything I could to encourage BGB to come on and join us in the real world! This week brought on two new side effects. One is a sharp, electrical shock feeling that only last for a few seconds but is very intense. Luckily, this is apparently very normal and is part of my body prepping for delivery. So now every time I feel like I'm being electrocuted, I also have a quick panic feeling that she is going to be coming sooner than expected.

Fortunately, the other new 'side effect' that I have been experiencing this week is an awesome one. She has been hiccupping a lot. Some people find this annoying, but I LOVE it. I think it is the coolest feeling. One of the perks from working from home and spending most of my time in either a chair at home or in the car has been how much I can feel her every day. I am going to miss this sensation after she is here because it has really made me feel connected to her. It is interesting to me because for the first 6 months before I could feel her move, I was constantly wondering if she was okay. I counted down the minutes until the next dr. appointment so I could hear her heartbeat and get that reassurance that everything is okay. Now it feels like I am getting a reminder every half hour that I have a happy baby girl in there. It is making up for all that time of me feeling neurotic.

I also had my first weird pregnancy craving.  I was driving home on Monday night and all I could think about was a bowl of pineapple and a glass of chocolate milk.  Not normally something that goes well together but I could not go to bed until I had that combo. 




I am enjoying some yummy iced caffeine-free key lime

ginger tea with honey. Such a yummy treat in the sunshine

This weekend we finally had some beautiful Florida weather, so Logan and I took advantage of it. After spending all day Saturday cleaning house, we spent Sunday in the backyard. I look forward to lots of Sundays in our backyard playing with BGB and floating around in the pool. She is going to be a water baby if she likes it or not.





31 Weeks - Showered with Love

31 weeks pregnant.  2 more months left.  Wow.  This has been the fastest and slowest 7 months I have ever experienced.  Fast when I think about all that I still want to do before she gets here and how unprepared I feel.  Slow when I think about all the physical side effects of being pregnant that I will not miss.  The newest one is that BGB likes to hang out on the right side of my body.  The Dr. said that is common because the liver is so soft.  (Good thing pregnancy is a natural liver detox, otherwise I'm not sure anything would survive near mine.)  So when BGB uses my liver as her pillow she crams herself underneath my ribcage causing unbelievable pain.  She also tends to want to do this when I'm trying to go to sleep.  It was a nice added bonus to my travels last week.  I was doing training for my new job (yes I am crazy and started a new career 7 months pregnant) up in Ann Arbor, MI where the weather was -12.  -12!  A slight change from the 70 degree temperature that I am used to in Florida.  Between the flights, hotel beds and BGB's new favorite spot, to say that I was happy to be home Wednesday night is an understatement.  <POSITIVE NOTE:  Training was awesome and I am already so happy with my decision to make the switch.  I see some great things happening for our family.>

After two days of working from home, unpacking from my trip, cleaning the house and other miscellaneous activities that people do, the weekend came and I was kicked out of my house Saturday for the afternoon so that my sweet friends could take it over to prepare for our shower that evening.  I kept myself busy by doing shopping that was unnecessary and spent money that I don't have.  This is the exact reason why I never go to a mall or Target when I am bored.  When I got home I was blown away by the transformation that my house took before the shower.  The girls did an amazing job of capturing the inspiration for the nursery and did so many sweet little touches to help celebrate our Baby Girl.  It was a fun causal night of great food and plenty of cocktails and cigars for those who could participate.  It was everything I could imagine and more.  

As if one night of celebration wasn't enough, my sweet Aunts hosted another shower for me on Sunday afternoon for Logan and my families.  I must admit, I am not normally a fan of traditional showers mainly because I don't like being center of attention and having the spot light on me like during gift openings.  However, with that being said, I couldn't believe how much I actually enjoyed doing it this time.  Maybe baby showers are different than wedding showers because instead of trying to show enthusiasm for a crock pot or towel set at a bridal shower, I am opening bag after bag full of the cutest darn clothing you could imagine.  Little girls are so easy to shop for.  I am not a pink girly girl but my heart melted a little bit with every ruffle, bow and pink flowery outfit that I opened up.  

While I might not feel mentally prepared for BGB's arrival, I can say with confidence that this girl got hooked up this weekend and we are as prepared as we are going to be with all of her "supplies."  I am constantly reminded of how good God has been to me by surrounding me with some of the most amazing, supportive and loving people that a girl could ask for.  Logan and I are always saying that we don't deserve to have people treat us like this because of how thoughtful and selfless everyone is.  I try to return the kindness and love but do not think it compares to everyone's efforts.  It is a great thing for me to remember as we raise BGB from a little girl into a women.  Always treat others with the love and kindness you would want for yourself, take time to appreciate others, and be careful in choosing your friends.  If you do these things, God rewards you with relationships that are invaluable.  I know that is what He did for me.

29 Weeks - Christmas Blessings

Christmas really is my favorite time of year when I take the time to slow down and appreciate everything.  This year that really didn't happen until the day was over.  I came home from spending time at my aunt's beach house and unpacked the car and all the sweet gifts that we received and that is when it really hit me.  I sat down with a cup of hot tea by myself in the living room, turned on the Christmas tree lights and reflected on the past few days.  All the amazing food that was prepared.  The thoughtful gifts that were given to Logan and me, not to mention the number of treats for BGB.  Most importantly, all the laughter and love that was shared.  I took some time to put all of BGB's new outfits away and thought about how the time would be here before we know it when instead of hanging in a closet, she will be wearing these sweet clothes.  The little shoes get to me every time.  They are so tiny. I know though that just as quickly these past 7 months have flown by, so will how fast she will be growing out of these cute, tiny newborn outfits and leaving us for her first day of school.  So my biggest take away this week is to spend the time alone, over a nice cup of coffee or tea and think about the small moments that make our lives so special, not just during the holidays.

28 Weeks - New Low

Let's play a game called find my feet.

I know I have said it before, but who are these people who LOVE being pregnant?  I Love that I have a healthy baby girl growing inside me.  I Love the idea of my family growing.  I Love that Logan and I are going to be parents soon.  But I just Don’t Love being pregnant.  Every week there is something new to overcome thanks to the fat suit I am wearing.  This week’s challenge:  tying my shoes.  Yep, that happened.  I can no longer sit in a chair, bend over and tie my shoe by myself.  The thing that I never get used to is the fact that this belly of mine is solid.  It is a good thing, I know.  There is a baby in there not just a bunch of cheeseburgers.  But that means I can’t suck it in when I’m trying to get through a crowd and I can’t squish it down when I try to bend over to put on some running shoes.  (Let’s be serious though, they might be called running shoes, but there is no running happening.)

The other thing I can’t get used to is how many breaks I need to take.  Cooking is a love of mine and I do a lot of it during the holiday season.  It took me 3 times as long as it would normally to do my normal preparations, which really threw me off.  I get so tired so quickly and my back starts to hurt with very little effort.  It seemed like every 15 minutes I was heading to the couch with a big bottle of water to take a breather.  Not to mention that it is only 68 degrees in my house and I’m dripping in sweat from the little activity I just did.  It makes me realize how much I use to take for granted.  Thank goodness for my sweet husband who normally does everything possible to avoid the kitchen for stepping in and helping out.  Otherwise I would have been in the kitchen until 2 a.m. hating life.  Something that I always enjoyed is now a hassle.  It is moments like that which make me wish I could fast forward to 3 months from now. 

A lot of good happened this week though so I can’t complain too much.  I had the best Dr. Appointment yet.  I think this is the first time that they have not told me that I am gaining too much weight.  Actually, I measured exactly where I should be.  I am 28 centimeters and 28 weeks which was perfect.  BGB’s heartbeat sounded awesome and she has been kicking up a storm.  I also put together a nice long check list of things that need to happen before her arrival and have a lot of things crossed off it already.  This might be the first time in months that I’m not feeling overwhelmed.  Great timing too since this will be a hectic week of running around and visiting with family over Christmas.  So no, I don't love what being pregnant is doing to me physically, but I do love what being pregnant means for my family.  I love the connection that is developing between me and this little girl and I am really counting down the days until I get to meet her.

Week 27: Tis the season… to freak out

This happens every year.  In the blink of an eye lazy summer days are over and you are sitting down with your family for Thanksgiving then running around like a crazy person getting things together for Christmas.  Each year that passes feels shorter and shorter and it feels like there is only a week between Thanksgiving and Christmas rather than a month.  So you can only imagine how I feel to have the normal holiday pressure with the added physical weight and lack of mobility of this baby sitting on my bladder causing me to run to the restroom every half hour and creating endless back pain.  Oh yea, and I am now in my third trimester which means that I only have about 80 days left before baby girl makes her appearance into this world.

I feel like the checklist of things to do before D-Day is constantly growing without me crossing anything off the list.  Plus everything was put on hold to do just the normal day to day stuff that happens this time of year.  Christmas shopping, work, decorating, holiday parties, etc.  I’m not trying to complain – these are all fun activities and I don’t want to skip out on them, but each obligation in my day means one more day to push off the other responsibilities that I have.  Setting up the nursery, taking the classes at the hospital, setting up an appointment with the pediatrician, etc.  What I would love is for time to stop for about a week.  In that time I can sit in a cozy chair, snuggled up with a cup of hot chocolate enjoying this amazing week Florida gets once a year where it is cold enough to wear a sweater and reflect on what the Christmas season is all about.  I get so caught up in the consumerism side of the holiday that I forget to reflect on the amazing gift that gives me a reason to celebrate this joyous day each year.  But alas, I don’t have the super power to stop time so I will just have to make an effort to make the time to have a little quite moment to be still in reflection. 

Logan and I did get a short moment to spend in reflection of all the accomplishments we’ve had over the past year and what we have to look forward to in the year to come on Saturday night.  He just finished a big project for work that his boss rewarded him for with a date night out with his wife.  So for the first time since being pregnant, I got all dolled up for a night on the town.  It didn’t hurt that we did a maternity shoot earlier that day so I already had my nails and make up looking good.  I found a dress that didn’t make me feel like a manatee, threw some curls in my hair and let my man wine and dine me.  The whole time I couldn’t help but think about how much our life is about to change.  These date nights are going to be few and far between.  Some people might see it as depressing that my night is ending at 9 on a Saturday and I’m looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep vs. the days where I didn’t start getting ready to go out until 9.  Or that I’d rather spend a Friday night after a long week of work in my PJs sitting on my patio with a glass of wine then listening to a local band at a bar.  But these are changes that we are ready for and are excited about.  Besides, if a fancy date night or a night out to the bars becomes a rare occasion rather than a weekly norm, we might actually appreciate and remember those experiences vs. just being a part of the blur of the past year that always overcomes me right around Christmas.  

Week 25 – A quiet moment of thanksgiving

If I have one complaint about the pregnancy experience so far it wouldn’t have anything to do with side effects.  Heartburn – bring it on.  Nausea – so what?  Emotional Breakdowns?  You’ll be a good laugh later.  No, my one complaint is the worry I’ve felt about this sweet child and fear of the unknown.  What could I be doing right now that could be hurting her?  What could I be doing better?  So with the Thanksgiving Holiday finally here, I decided it is time to shut out the negative and to spend a quiet moment of personal thanksgiving for all the wonderful things that I have going for me.  So here is my short top 5 list of things I am most thankful for when it comes to BGB.

Mallory says Happy Thanksgiving!

5.  Regardless of some of my ‘pregnancy side effects’ I have had an easy pregnancy without any serious complications.   I am thankful for my health.

4.  My mommy friends.  I am not the first girl in my circle to have a baby and I am so thankful to have these amazing women to lean onto for advise and support.  Their wisdom has been invaluable.    

3.  My supportive husband.  Logan has stepped up in a way I couldn’t have even imagined.  He has been more supportive, patient, and understanding than I could have dreamed.  I don’t know how women go through this without that support, but I tip my hat to them and have the most respect because I don’t know if I would be that strong.

2.  Thanksgiving Day reminded me that we do have a village to help raise this child.  There is a reason why we stayed in Tampa and it gives me a lot more confidence with having this baby that we are not doing it alone in any way.

1.  Baby Girl is HEALTHY!  Every visit we have gone to has been nothing but good news with her.

So I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving Holiday and was able to take a few minutes to think about how many things they have to be truly thanksful for this year.

Week 24 – Pregnancy. You’re doing it wrong.

Eat whatever you want.  You are eating for two!  Come on try it, for the baby.  These are phrases that I have constantly been hearing, and honestly, have been looking forward to.  For once I don’t need to worry about putting on a few extra pounds.  It is expected right?  So I have had ice cream a little more often then I ever had in my life.  I am ordering sandwiches at lunch instead of always getting the light salads.  I mean, I’m already giving up alcohol, sushi, deli meat and caffeine… I deserve to have some dessert.  Well, apparently not. 

After this last visit to the dr. office, I might be the first ever pregnant lady that is put on a diet.  Really?  I feel like I should have had to do things much more extreme than I am to have a diet be in order.  Like mac and cheese for breakfast, burger with fries and milk shake for lunch and fried chicken smothered in gravy for dinner every night.  But no – even with all the healthy things I am eating, the lack of exercise and some poor food choices I’ve made have lead to the need to count calories the week of thanksgiving no less.  I need to be at the same weight I am now on my next visit to be back on the healthy weight track.  I don’t think I can handle another visit with a Dr. looking at the weight on my chart and criticizing my size.  I can tell you, it doesn’t really instill you with confidence.

What does instill me with confidence though, is how great our sweet baby girl is doing.  She has doubled in size over the past month and looks great.   We saw a 3D sonogram that showed us her face clearly and we could see her big pouty lips and cute little nose.  She is forming into a little person, which is astonishing.  Another amazing moment this week was when Logan got to feel her move for the first time.  He laid his head on my belly and without me having to tell him when she moved he was able to feel it.  They are still small movements, but movements no less.  It is a great reminder that she is alive in there and is healthy.  Mom might not be rocking this pregnancy but baby girl sure is.  She looks beautiful and so far no problems.  I don’t think that I could ask for anything better than that. 

Week 22 – The Nesting Continues

This week has been such a fun week of decorating.  I feel like we were able to make a huge check mark off one item of our list.  Living room, CHECK.  We have been ordering furniture for about a month now and picking up little odds and ends from various markets, second hand shops and other home good stores and we could finally put it all together.  Perfect timing too because we would be having some friends come in town for the weekend.

Logan and I have wanted to get this room complete first before moving to the nursery.  It was the last room of the house that needed furniture.  Before now it was always referred to as the ‘yoga room’ because it was just a big empty space that we didn’t know what to do with.  Now it is a cozy media room that is prefect for unwinding after a long day.  Here are some before and after photos.  Obviously there is still some work to be done but it is a comfortable and functional space.  Most importantly, it has a recliner for Logan. 

So… I get it.  Everyone who has seen it so far has referred to it as an adult room and Logan has warned me that it isn’t kid friendly.  There are fragile antiques, light color furniture and a lot of ‘stuff’ on the tabletops.  However, this is not the kid room.  The kid room is the one with the divorce collection that while I am not going to be encouraging it, I will not be getting mad if there ends up being spilled milk, crayon, or scissor cuts on.  How long will I be able to pull this off?  Who knows?  Maybe not even a year.  But I will be enjoying it while it lasts, that’s for sure.

Now I have a little bit of time that I can soak in snuggling on the clean couch in a pretty room with my husband before baby girl comes.  This week our little girl weighs a pound.  A pound?  That is it?  Well, I sure have made her a big home to roam around in.  She can hear my voice and heartbeat.  It really makes me want to come up with her name so I can start talking to her.  Right now it is a little hard for me to comprehend that she can hear me and would benefit from hearing my voice.  I mean I remember all the long talks I had with my mom while I was in the womb…. Said no one ever.

While baby girl is hanging out and taking naps on my bladder, I have been experiencing some wicked heartburn this week.  It doesn’t matter what I eat or when I eat it, I am going to have heartburn.  And I always forget how bad it is until it comes so I am never prepared.  I need to just keep a thing of Tums in my purse but I don’t think about it until it is already too late.  It usually happens around 4:00 and goes on until I finally get home at 6:30-7 and can pop a few Tums like candy. 

Thank goodness it hasn’t really been an issue while I am going to bed.  The only issue I have when I go to bed are these crazy anxiety dreams.  I keep thinking about all the things I could forget about and neglect my poor child.  Most of them are extreme and would never happen like leaving her in the car all day because I forgot that I was driving her somewhere or just not feeding her at all for 3 days straight because I didn’t think about it.  But the truth is that even though none of these things would happen, I think the anxiety is just coming from the fear of the unknown.  So, I have been trying to spend a lot more time in prayer.  I find that the more I lift up our sweet girl and all my fears to God, the less often I have these dreams and thoughts.  I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot spend my time stressing over things that I don’t have power over and that I need to Him in control.  When I did my 30 before 30 challenge, one of my items on my list was to memorize some of my favorite bible verses.  It is amazing how those have stuck with me and pop in my head when I need them the most.  This week, my verse was Philippians 4:6.  I hope it can be as good of a reminder to you as it is for me.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God

Too fat for my pants

The fun has continued with sharing the news of our now sweet baby plum.  This week our baby’s face is becoming more defined.  The eyes have moved to the front of the face and the chin and nose have been taking more shape.  Logan and I have joked that we hope the baby gets my nose and not his.  While that might be the case, I really hope for our child’s sake that they get his athletic ability and metabolism and not mine.  Our sweet child now has fingernails on formed fingers that will soon be able to open and close.  Luckily I am keeping up with taking my DHA because the brain is also rapidly growing. 

As for me, there is no hiding it.  I look like a pregnant lady.  My belly bump is showing.  I guess that is to be expected when I gain most of my weight in my mid-section as it is.  Let’s just hope that it stays contained in the middle and doesn’t spread everywhere.  I need to continue to try to eat as healthy as possible and spend as many nights as I can in the gym.  Either way, I am too fat for my pants.  I needed to buy a few pieces to add to my wardrobe to help with this change in size.  This is a very awkward time because I tried on maternity clothes and they are extremely baggy on me since I haven’t gotten that big, yet I can’t button my pants.  I tried on a pair of skinny jeans that are the next size up but because the weight luckily is only in my belly, they didn’t fit anywhere else.  (I'm not lookin all that skinny so maybe I should just give up on the fashion trend.)

So I am rockin’ the belly band.  Honestly, this might just become a new thing for me.  Why didn’t I find this sooner?  No more restrictions of a button and zipper.  I now have the comfort of elastic while sporting all my favorite pant styles.  Is it wrong that I want to wear these after the pregnancy is over?  How long is an acceptable period of time post pregnancy of wearing elastic pants before I need an intervention? 

Good news is that the nausea and sickness are getting better.  It isn’t gone, but it isn’t as frequent.  I still cannot get enough sleep in my day and will cry over little things.  Example – Logan came home after working on Saturday and told me he stopped by the book store on the way home to pick up a book on pregnancy.  The woman recommended to him ‘What to expect when expecting.’  The fact that Logan went to a book store on his own to get something to read about pregnancy melted my heart and I was crying uncontrollable happy tears.  What was even better was last night when we were reading in bed and he kept sharing his ‘did you know’ facts that he was learning while he read.  It is moments like that which remind me how blessed I am to not only experience this wonderful time in my life, but to be sharing it with such a great partner who I know is going to be a fantastic father.

 

Week 11 - So did you plan this?

Every week that goes by the more reality kicks in that I am going to be a momma and that there is life growing inside me.  This week was one of many milestones.  Not only has my baby officially grown to the ‘fetus’ stage and is the size of a lime, but Logan and I have also started sharing the news with people.  Our plan is that anytime we get to see people in person we would share the news with them but just ask that they don’t blast it yet through social media.  I ordered some cards to send out to our family and friends and unfortunately, had to tell my boss at work. 

The reason why I say unfortunately is because of the circumstances that caused me to divulge the information.  Originally I was going to wait until after Labor Day.  Instead, while having my mid-year review, pregnancy hormones kicked in and I got emotional.  This was great.   My first chance to show George how well I take criticism and we can have a real candid conversation about my performance, and I look like a teenage girl getting scolded by her father. The worst part was, it was a fantastic review!  Any items that I was told I need to work on were things I was already aware of and for the most part I was told that he was overall happy with my performance.  No reason for me to be upset, if these things bothered me.  But I pride myself in my ability to take constructive criticism.  So I had to fess up.  I told George that if my eyes were glassy it had nothing to do with our conversation, but was because I am pregnant.  It was a relief to get it off my chest and good timing since (I didn’t know this yet) but the next Monday I needed to take a day off because of how badly I felt.  George was very happy for me and I felt a weight lifted now that I didn’t have a secret. 

We also began sharing the news with some friends.  Female friends were beyond excited and started asking about name ideas, how I was feeling, etc.  My male friends were more concerned on if this was planned and if I am happy.  I guess when you are a single man you don’t think that someone would get knocked up on purpose.  First question after I said guess what, Logan and I are pregnant was - so was this planned?  Should I be happy for you?  Logan and I have been dating since I was 19 and I am now 30.  Don’t you think that if we were going to get ‘accidently’ pregnant it would have been when I was 21 and stupid instead of in my 30s?  But the overall feeling that everyone shared was that if we were happy, they were happy for us.  And the truth is, Logan and I couldn’t be happier. 

Week 10 - All about the Grandparents

This was a fun week for us and one we have been looking forward to since the day we read ‘pregnant’ on the pee stick. This was the week we were going to share the good news with our parents.  We were waiting until after we had our dr. appointment to make sure everything was on track before we told anyone.  Now that we had the green light it was time to share with those closest to us.  We are still waiting until 12 weeks to make the ‘big’ announcement, but in the meantime, Logan and I could finally share what we have wanted to scream from the mountaintops. 

Now, the question of how we were going to tell them was a conversation of discussion that Logan and I had over a few weeks.  I wanted to have everyone over together because I didn’t think it was fair for one parent to find out before the other.  However, when you have the interesting dynamic of divorced parents, it makes the subject a little more sensitive.  Ultimately we decided to have a more intimate conversation with each parent individually and we would do it all over one weekend so that the most any parent would know before the other would be 48 hours.  Sure, we could have called them each within minutes, but then I don’t get to see the expression on their faces!

The plan was set, we would tell Margie on her birthday (Thursday) followed by my dad on Friday and my mom on Saturday.  We had a meal set up with each of them and had special gifts for them to open to find out that they were now going to be grandparents.  I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction from each of them.  All of their responses to our news fit true to their personalities which reconfirmed we did it the right way by doing it separately.  I found these really cute ‘announcement’ eggs on etsy to give to the moms.  When they crack the egg a small piece of paper is inside that says that we are pregnant with our due date.

When Margie opened hers, she instantly got emotional and screamed.  I loved it!  She kept saying it was the best birthday present ever.  It was the exact ‘Margie’ reaction I was hoping for.  My mom didn’t disappoint either.  When she opened hers she stated that she had given up on us.  She thought that we were going to just stay kid-less and travel the world.  (Which she was right in we did have that thought cross our mind many times.)    But most importantly she said that she didn’t care as long as we were happy.  Which we are, and know we made the best decision!

A Birthday Dinner that none of us will forget.

Dad’s reaction was just as classic.  I got him a mug that said ‘this dad is being promoted to grandpa.’  When he opened it up, he gave me a puzzled look and asked, ‘you’re pregnant?’  When I said yes and he hugged me to say congratulations, that was immediately followed with, ‘so no problems with that ovary?’  Which was a perfect question since the only other time the conversation of me having kids has come up with my father was last year when we were in the Keys and he said so eloquently, ‘can you even get pregnant with that bum ovary of yours?’  He did follow up the natural stunned reaction to being a grandfather with a text message the next day telling me how excited he is to be Grandpa Z.  (It has a good ring to it, Papa Z.)

It was such a joy to celebrate this next step with our parents this way and was a wonderful way to spend the weekend.  This little baby was the focus of our whole weekend.  Beyond telling the parents, I also started reading a book on parenthood, watched 2 documentaries on midwifes and took two hospital tours to see how we want to proceed with the pregnancy.  The next few weeks are going to be information overload until we feel comfortable with how we start this new life together.  I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

Random Thought on Pregnancy

Do you remember those Pepto Bismol commercials where they sing and dance pointing to the different places of their body that you could have symptoms in?  Sing it with me, ‘nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.’  Those are ALL symptoms of pregnancy that I feel ALL the time.  I could be a walking billboard for Pepto.  Except that you can’t take it while pregnant!  It seems like such a slap in the face.  You get to enjoy all of these symptoms 7 days a week but you can’t take anything to relieve it. 

You could try avoiding certain foods that cause the symptoms.  Add those foods to the laundry list of ‘don’t eat’ that you already get once you become pregnant and the list of items that you won’t eat because now even the smell of it will make you sick.  I've already been on a strict peanut butter on saltine crackers diet since that seems to be the only thing that I’m allowed to eat that doesn’t mess with me afterwards.  Dreaming of the days when normal foods stay down and I can get back to a balanced diet. 

Oh the Joy of Side effects

Today I experienced an all new low in the pregnancy.  How can I already be having traumatic experiences like this and I’m only 9 weeks in?  First my pants rip while getting sick at work, then Logan casually passes gas in the same room as me that hits me so hard I have to run to the bathroom dry heaving, and now this.  I’ve heard pregnant women are extra emotional.  I was ready for that.  Maybe I need to have some tissues during Publix commercials and Logan needs to be a little more sensitive when sharing criticism with me, no big deal.  That seems manageable.  What I was not prepared for was crying for absolutely no reason. 

That is what happened to me today.  I was supposed to meet Logan for lunch at Panera Bread.  We had a very reasonable misunderstanding on which one we were meeting at.  Just like there is a Starbucks on every corner, there were two Panera Breads on Ulmerton and we were at different locations.  A reasonable person would chalk it up to miscommunication, drive to the other location and move on.  I am no longer a reasonable person.  I lose it.  Full on meltdown in my car.  Hysterical crying.  I can’t even speak.  I end up texting Logan that I am going to get my food to go and I’ll just see him at home later.  Because I am fully aware I am being crazy at the moment, I am able to clearly state via text message that I am not upset or angry and I fully understand how this can happen.  I finished the text with I love you.  My face, however, did not convey the same level of maturity and understanding.  If anyone walked by my car, the only logical explanation for that level of ugly crying is that I just lost all of my relatives in a plane crash.

 After 10 minutes of deep breaths and distractions, I finally put myself together enough to go inside to order some food to take back to the office with me.  I picked out what I wanted to order and went to the counter.  ‘I’ll have the pick two combo with…’ I stated calmly to the friendly young cashier.  I go to hand her my credit card and she asks the logical next question, ‘is this for here or to go?’  A normal person would respond ‘to go’ with a smile and be on their way.  I however just looked at her; tears come gushing out of my face for no reason as I whimper out ‘to go.’  I snatched my credit card from her hand and run to the bathroom.  Really?  Melt down at Panera Bread over a simple questions?  Pull yourself together man!  But I couldn’t.  I walked out of the bathroom, grabbed my to go bag, and shame ate in the car.  I ate alone, in my car while tears still rolled down my face.  The whole time in my head recognizing how crazy it seemed but no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn’t get the tears to stop.  This is a new first and a moment I will not quickly forget. 

 

Week 9 - Did you bring your ovary with you today?

This week was a very special week. I was able to meet our sweet baby for the first time. Up until this point it has just been a thought verses a reality. Sure I had some symptoms but I haven't been able to feel anything yet. It is too early to really start showing and definitely too early to feel any movement. This was one of the reasons why Logan and I were looking forward to our dr. appointment. We arrived to the dr. office a little early so I could fill out paperwork. Right on schedule came my wonderful pregnancy sickness so I ran straight for the restroom. At least I will find out in a few minutes if all of this is normal.

We get called back and the first thing we did was go to the ultrasound room. The technician wanted to first try to see if she can see my uterus using the wand on my stomach before having to look internally. Luckily she was able to see it right away. Within seconds we were looking at our baby and hearing a heartbeat. A wave of emotion ran over me and I couldn't help but weep. (Tears of joy of course.) I can't believe it. I am going to be a mom. This is my baby. This is really happening.

It all happened so quickly. Then I saw the technician with a slight look of concern. She then made a joke and asked, 'did you bring your right ovary with you today?' I quickly replied no which stopped her in her tracks. I guess it didn't say in my file that I only had one. I didn't realize that was what she was looking for during the last few minutes. Then she asked if we wanted to hear the heart beat again and Logan and I both answered quickly with a strong YES! Of course we want to hear it again. I could listen to it all day if that was possible. We were told it was a strong and consistent 176 and based on the measurements, I am definitely at 9 weeks.

The rest of the visit was long and discouraging. Nothing but nurses and doctors going through all the things that could go wrong in the pregnancy. I understand that we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario and that we are still very early in the pregnancy but can we just go back to being excited and listening to the heart beat? Here come the anxiety and worry again that finally went away for the first time.

The appointment ended after 3.5 hours and Logan and I headed home. They gave us a print out of the sonogram and I couldn't help but look at it all night. This is our baby. The gummy bear sized version of our baby. Sure there are still a lot of unknowns but I can't focus on that. So I focused on keeping my mind healthy. I spent some quality time with God that night thanking Him for this sweet blessing. No matter what happens, this is a great beginning for our family and I am so grateful to be able to experience this.

Week 8 - A moment of silence for my skinny jeans that won't fit again for years.

Dear Baby Fetus,  (Technically not even a fetus yet)

I would like to thank you for making today extra special to me.  The day was coming to end for most of my co-workers and I was getting ready to pull a late night to catch up on some work I was behind on.  I actually felt ‘okay’ for most of the day so I thought I would take advantage of feeling good. 

Before settling into my next project I took a quick break to run to the restroom and go to the break room for a refill of water and grab a snack.  As I sat down to take my 10^th pee of the day, I had the uncontrollable instant urge that I was going to get sick and it was going to happen now if I liked it or not.  Still sitting down mid-stream I start throwing up in front of me.  Awesome.  Well, at least it is late in the day so most people are gone.  So I get up to grab some paper towels to clean up what just happened and when I bent over I heard the sound of the last shred of dignity I had for the day leave.  The seam in my pants has ripped. 

All the ‘carbing up’ I have been doing over the past week and a half since it is the only thing that calms my stomach pushed me over the edge.  I am no longer a size 4.  (Truly I’ve been squeezing into them for a while in denial that I have to be a size 6 now, but this was a rude way to find out.)  I took that as a sign that my work day should be over, so instead of working for another two hours I picked my self-respect up off the bathroom floor, grabbed my purse and left for the day. 

Pouring one out for
the skinny jeans that
are no more....

As soon as I got into the car I had to unbutton my pants that clearly do not fit me anymore and drove home.  I swapped my pants for pj’s and had a moment of silence over the fact that it was the last time for at least a year that I will be that size again, if ever.  I’ve heard horror stories of your body never going back to the shape it was before you are pregnant and I know I didn’t do myself any favors by waiting until I was 30 to have kids. 

I keep talking about going to the gym and working out but then the exhaustion and nausea kick in and the couch seems much more appealing.  So for now, that is what I’m going to do – lay in bed and forget about today.  Tomorrow I will be wearing a skirt so I don’t have to worry about one of these issues repeating itself.  Thanks again for embarrassing mommy today.  I’ll get you back with some naked baby photos when you bring home your first date. 

Love Always,

Mom

Week 7 - Beginning of the 9 Month Hangover

Well the honeymoon is over.  Those symptoms are all kickin in full gear.  As the creature growing inside continues to suck the life out of me, I am enjoying headaches, fatigue, constant nausea and the added bonus of constipation.  Our ‘sweet pea’ has grown to the size of a blueberry, and while our bambino is still relatively small, it is making a big impact on how I feel.  The good news is that when I was looking up relief suggestions I saw that all of these feelings mean that our child is healthy and it should only last for 3 months. 

Awesome, so the 3 months while I still look like me, I feel like crap.  Then when I start to feel a little better on the inside, the outside of me is going to be swallowed up in a fat person suit.  I thought it was called morning sickness meaning that you get sick first thing in the am, then you are cool for the rest of the day?  Why don’t they call it the Prego Hangover because that is how it feels.  It feels like I partied way too hard last night and am paying for it today, only greasy McDonald’s breakfast doesn’t cure it and I don’t have any wild stories to tell you about last night. 

'Wow Casey, you look like crap, what did you do last night?’  Oh you know, the usual Tuesday night, forced down some soup and grilled cheese, topped it off with some gingerale and passed out at 9:00.  CRAZAY!  This week instead of thinking about what cute outfits I want to dress our child in, I keep thinking about all the classic parent lines you hear from your mom when you are growing up to make you feel guilty.  ‘Do you know what I went through so you could be here right now, and this is how you are you going to talk to me?’  ‘I brought you into this world, and just as easily I can take you out.’  ‘I put my body through hell so you could live and this is the thanks I get.’ 

This is my 'fake it till you make it' smile.
Can you tell I have the sweats and am going to
throw up after this photo is done?

Alright so I am being dramatic.  I need to just suck it up and face the facts that this is just how I get to feel and go back to thinking about it as our sweet miracle growing inside of me instead of as the evil alien spawn that is going to rip its way out of me. 

Written with love,
Future Mom of the Year