Week 35 – 0 weeks to go?

So I guess I jinxed myself last week with the comment that if it wasn’t for my short-term disability that I would tell BGB to come on and join me, because she called my bluff.  A week that started off very normal, took a turn that we were not expecting.

I had a busy week ahead of me full of training for work, event planning for the weekend, Dr’s appointments, the list went on and on.  I had so much on my to-do list I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to do it all.  Friday was no exception.  The morning started with an appointment with my OBGYN.  Everything was completely normal during my exam.  I was measuring on track and set my appointment for the following week.  Immediately after my appointment I drove over to the Spring of Tampa Bay to drop off some items for their silent auction.  I was on the committee for their Peace Couture Gala taking place on Saturday night.  I had just picked up a car full of gift baskets for the auction in Orlando the night before. 

I headed home for a full day of work.  I had a long to-do list of follow up items that I needed to complete before the weekend along with several conference calls.  I already had planned that I would be spending Sunday afternoon wrapping any additional items up that needed to be completed before Monday morning.  I used my lunch break to run my last minute errands to get ready for the baby shower the next morning.  Oh yea, because not only was I on the committee for the Spring’s Gala event Saturday night, but I was also hosting a baby shower that morning in my home for my best friend.

I finished all my errands and was sitting down at my laptop working on some analysis I was trying to wrap up when I had the urge to use the restroom.  I got up to go pee and headed to sit back down when I got a sensation that I couldn’t control where it felt like I peed myself a little.  I heard that this happens to a lot of women in their 3^rd trimester so I put on a panty liner and went back to the bathroom to see if maybe I misread my body.  Again, it was as if I just chugged a 6 pack with how much I needed to use the restroom.  So I chalked it up to a fluke, I mean, I do drink a crap ton of water everyday, and got back up to go back to work.  But… the sensation happened again.  And again.  After 4 times of feeling like I couldn’t control my bladder I called my OBGYN to describe what happened.  Immediately she told me to head over to St. Joseph’s Women’s Hospital to get checked out.  She was pretty sure my water broke and they could test it to make sure.

Well crap, what am I going to do?  It is 4:00, my mom and friends are heading over to decorate for the baby shower in about an hour, Logan is leaving the office any minute to go out of town for the weekend to go camping with his buddies and I have deadlines I am trying to hit for work.  Now I am heading to the hospital instead to get checked out?  Well that put a wrench into my weekend.  So I text message the girls to let them know that I will probably be late to the house so I would leave them a key to get started without me and I called Logan to tell him that he shouldn’t be alarmed but I am going to drive over to the hospital because my water might have broken.

I had no idea what was happening right now.  In my mind, even if my water broke, because I wasn’t feeling any contractions yet, they would check me out and send me home until my contractions were closer.  So worst-case scenario, I wouldn’t be very helpful for the shower but could coordinate until it was time for labor.  That is IF my water broke.  I was joking with my friends about how funny of a story would it be that I peed myself so bad that I thought my water broke.  Talk about an all time pregnancy low.

Obviously, Logan had a little more sense and concern for the situation and told me that I couldn’t drive myself to the hospital and that he was on his way to pick me up.  I told him to just tell the guys that he would catch up with them at the campsite later that night.  I honestly didn’t see my weekend changing yet.  But just in case I went ahead and started packing a bag for the hospital.  This was on my to do list for the next week since I didn’t see any reason to do it more than a month out.  While waiting for Logan to make it home, I’m sitting there on Google looking up various websites to see what the heck I needed to bring with me.

About 30 minutes later, Logan was home and we loaded up the car to head to the hospital.  Side note – I am continuously leaking the whole time.  It is becoming more real that this is my water breaking because I am now walking around with a towel shoved between my legs.  We get in the car to head to the hospital and I am sitting on a stack of towels and cracking up laughing because of how it just doesn’t stop.  But of course my laughing makes it come out even faster. 

We go to the exam room and find out right away that my water did break.  I also found out that what was happening to me was very normal.  I always imagined the Hollywood version of water breaking that there is one big gush of liquid vs. the annoying leaky faucet version I experienced.  The other thing I learned is that when your water breaks, you must have the baby within 24 hours.  So I wasn’t leaving the hospital until this little girl comes whether I like it or not. 

I had all these romantic ideas of labor/delivery that were shattered in minutes.  I had this vision in my head that I would start having contractions at home.  I would start a nice warm bath, light some aromatherapy candles and listen to some soothing music to help me while I waited for them to get close enough to warrant going to the hospital.  Maybe my water would break while I am in the water to make it a lot cleaner.  I would take a nice hot shower, put my hair up in a cute pony tail so that the after birth we will be ready for our awesome celebrity photo where I look fabulous and so does my baby.

Instead, I went to the hospital before I got to take a shower, was required to be induced and experienced ever aspect of the contractions hooked up to monitors in the labor room.  We got off to a little bit of a rough start because they inserted my IV incorrectly.  Three people looked at it and said it looked fine but when they started to administer the penicillin (in case I had any infections we weren’t aware of) my entire arm felt like it was on fire and started swelling up really large.  I thought maybe I was being a baby because of how bad the pain was, but when the nurse saw it, they immediately removed the IV and tried in my other arm instead.  What a world of difference that made.  I still have some sweet bruises on my arm from the bad IV job.

Once the pitocin kicked in, so did the contractions.  They started off very mild, mild to the point that the only reason I knew they were happening was because I could see it on the screen.  So what do all these women complain about?  This is easy.  Or maybe I’m just super woman who has a high tolerance to pain.  After an hour or so the contractions got a little stronger.  It felt like pressure in my abdomen then gradually grew to the strength of a period cramp.  Still, no big deal.  Then it happened.  The real contractions came and the pain was unreal.  I take it all back – these hurt like a bitch and I can’t believe the number of women who choose to experience all of this naturally.  Time to bring on the epidural.  The anesthesiologist couldn’t get there quick enough.  I’ve heard that getting the epidural put in can be quite painful.  Luckily, I was having a contraction at the same time they were inserting the epidural so I was so focused on the pain of the contraction, I couldn’t feel what was happening in my back. 

Ah, euphoria.  Instantly I could feel the medicine running down my body.  I felt the ultimate body high.  It is an amazing feeling because you are very aware of everything that is going on around you and you can still move your body but you are numb to the pain.  Now the contractions simply feel like pressure.  The whole process from when I was brought to the hospital until I reached the point of being fully dilated was 12 hours.  But it felt more like 2, it was unbelievable how quickly the time went by.  Once I hit the point of being fully dilated it was go time.  In a flash there was a crew of nurses prepping the room and giving me instructions on what to do next.  I went from relaxing and watching TV to full Game On mode in seconds.  (Funny side note – when we flipped on the TV the movie Knocked-Up was on so I was watching labor right before going into labor myself.)

Labor itself only lasted for about 40 minutes.  In 40 short minutes I went from being pregnant and just thinking about what it might be like to be a mom to holding my precious baby girl next to my chest.  I’ve heard horror stories about how awful labor could be, but honestly, it was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Watching this life that Logan and I created coming out was surreal.  There is a reason why it is called the ‘Miracle’ of birth because it is nothing short of it.  The only complication we experienced was that she had the cord wrapped around her neck, which caused her heart rate to drop each time I pushed.  We had to take it extra slow to make sure she was okay. 

Logan was so amazing during the whole process.  He was such a great coach; so encouraging and supportive throughout the whole day.  After our baby girl was checked out by the NICU team and was cleared as healthy and I got to hold her, Logan and I were just overcome with emotion.  This tiny 5lb 11oz person is a combination of both of us.  The love that we feel for each other reflected back in this sweet life that we created.  It was that feeling that made us both realize that there was only one perfect name for her.  Zoe.  Zoe is Greek for Life, and the amount that our lives changed when we learned we were pregnant and how much it was about to change for ever for this person who came a month sooner than expected made it perfect.  I always knew her middle name would be Grace because it is a family name that I have always loved, but now it seemed even more fitting.  I discovered that if she was any bigger than she was, I would not be able to deliver on my own but would have required a c-section because of how small my pelvis is.  If my water broke any later, Logan would be in a campsite drinking with his friends where he would have no cell phone reception.  If it were another weekend, my mom wouldn’t have been planning on being in Tampa with me that night.  It is only the Grace from God that allows perfect timing like this. 

Now we get to start a new chapter of our life together.  It has only been a few days now since Zoe Grace entered our lives, but I couldn’t imagine life without her.  The amount of love that I already have for her is overwhelming.  I am enjoying every trying minute of motherhood, late nights and lack of sleep.  It is funny how my jam packed weekend of obligations got completely scrapped, yet, life went on.  The shower took place at my home without me, the Gala was a success, and my work is covered.  Zoe is already teaching me that I need to focus on family first.  I can only imagine how much we are going to learn together over this next year and I am going to take the time to appreciate all of it.

29 Weeks - Christmas Blessings

Christmas really is my favorite time of year when I take the time to slow down and appreciate everything.  This year that really didn't happen until the day was over.  I came home from spending time at my aunt's beach house and unpacked the car and all the sweet gifts that we received and that is when it really hit me.  I sat down with a cup of hot tea by myself in the living room, turned on the Christmas tree lights and reflected on the past few days.  All the amazing food that was prepared.  The thoughtful gifts that were given to Logan and me, not to mention the number of treats for BGB.  Most importantly, all the laughter and love that was shared.  I took some time to put all of BGB's new outfits away and thought about how the time would be here before we know it when instead of hanging in a closet, she will be wearing these sweet clothes.  The little shoes get to me every time.  They are so tiny. I know though that just as quickly these past 7 months have flown by, so will how fast she will be growing out of these cute, tiny newborn outfits and leaving us for her first day of school.  So my biggest take away this week is to spend the time alone, over a nice cup of coffee or tea and think about the small moments that make our lives so special, not just during the holidays.

26 weeks – Babies for Dummies

This was a big week for taking next steps in the pregnancy to get ready for Little Miss BGB.  Logan and I attending our first ‘pregnancy class’ where we learned all about how to take care of newborns.  I believe the official name of the class was just Newborn Care but it could have been called Newborn Care for dummies.  I loved it.  They did not over complicate things and they went over everything you could imagine from changing a diaper to bathing and included great handouts that broke everything down step by step.  It was painfully long (3.5 hours) but went by surprisingly quick.  The thing that I enjoyed the most about the class was it was a visual reminder of all the stuff I have already been reading in my mommy-to-be books.  I left feeling more confident that I know what to do when BGB makes her grand entrance. 

Bad Photos - But Progress Being Made!

Another great moment was that Logan was finally able to start his nesting process.  He has been very productive with getting the nursery ready.  We have a crib assembled and a hutch that has been painted.  Now we just need to find a dresser and put together the glider and all the basics will be complete.  Between that and feeling her movements have started to make a big connection between us and our new family.  We are much more aware of her and are beginning to think about how any decision we make will be impacted by her.  Things like going away for the night on Saturday to the Don CeSar can’t happen on a whim anymore.  Everything from working late to wanting to grab some dinner will need to have BGB in consideration.  People say that having a dog helps prepare you for that, but maybe we just have the world’s easiest dog because that has never been an issue for us. 

Taken at Don CeSar

I’ve also made huge strides in completing my registry.  I realized that I am overthinking things because this registry has taken me over a month to do.  I couldn’t add something to the registry until I did research to see which one is the best and has the strongest reviews.  What kind of parent would I be if my little princess didn’t have the top rated set of plastic keys?  It was getting a little crazy.  So after I did a few more reviews of ‘review-worthy’ items like car seats and baby monitors, I went the girl-rational route.  If it was the cuter option, I picked it.  This is supposed to be the fun part right?  Picking out all the sweet little outfits should be a fun process not stressful.  So in my last week of the second trimester, that is what we did.  We had fun playing house while we wait for the big day.



Week 24 – Pregnancy. You’re doing it wrong.

Eat whatever you want.  You are eating for two!  Come on try it, for the baby.  These are phrases that I have constantly been hearing, and honestly, have been looking forward to.  For once I don’t need to worry about putting on a few extra pounds.  It is expected right?  So I have had ice cream a little more often then I ever had in my life.  I am ordering sandwiches at lunch instead of always getting the light salads.  I mean, I’m already giving up alcohol, sushi, deli meat and caffeine… I deserve to have some dessert.  Well, apparently not. 

After this last visit to the dr. office, I might be the first ever pregnant lady that is put on a diet.  Really?  I feel like I should have had to do things much more extreme than I am to have a diet be in order.  Like mac and cheese for breakfast, burger with fries and milk shake for lunch and fried chicken smothered in gravy for dinner every night.  But no – even with all the healthy things I am eating, the lack of exercise and some poor food choices I’ve made have lead to the need to count calories the week of thanksgiving no less.  I need to be at the same weight I am now on my next visit to be back on the healthy weight track.  I don’t think I can handle another visit with a Dr. looking at the weight on my chart and criticizing my size.  I can tell you, it doesn’t really instill you with confidence.

What does instill me with confidence though, is how great our sweet baby girl is doing.  She has doubled in size over the past month and looks great.   We saw a 3D sonogram that showed us her face clearly and we could see her big pouty lips and cute little nose.  She is forming into a little person, which is astonishing.  Another amazing moment this week was when Logan got to feel her move for the first time.  He laid his head on my belly and without me having to tell him when she moved he was able to feel it.  They are still small movements, but movements no less.  It is a great reminder that she is alive in there and is healthy.  Mom might not be rocking this pregnancy but baby girl sure is.  She looks beautiful and so far no problems.  I don’t think that I could ask for anything better than that. 

Week 23 – Bottles, and cribs and nipple shields, oh my!

So… these babies.  They need a lot of stuff.  It is kind of amazing how something that is less than 10 lbs could require so many things.  I realized how overwhelming it was this week when we started our registry.  I have been trying to put off registering for as long as possible, but after realizing that we are already in the holidays and my shower will be here before I know it, I thought I’d better get started. 

Not only are there tons of things on your ‘must have list’ but also the number of options in each category is unreal.  I thought I would start with something easy, bottles.  Wrong.  Everyone has an opinion on which bottle is best.  Glass vs. Plastic.  Curved vs. straight.  Liner or no liner.  Then which brand is best?  Should you get a variety to test them out?  What is worst about it is, all babies are different.  One baby might love the Dr. Brown bottle and the mom will rave about it while another one will constantly get gas because it lets in too much air. 

My friends aren’t helping either.  They all give me a different answer when I ask them about what brand they like the best.  Then just when I think I’ve got it under control on what I need and what I will never actually use, I get thrown curve balls.  Did you register for a Wubbanub?  Well, you gotta have a Wubbanub.  What the heck is a Wubbanub?  Or a bumpie?  Or nipple shields?  And why do I need all of these things?  How much of this crap that I ‘have to have’ is going to end up in a pile of stuff I never used.  What I would love to see is a mom write a blog about the things that you actually need to register for and a non-sponsored list of brands that they recommend from personal experience.  That seems to not exist yet.  And if it does and you know about it, send it my way.  All I am finding are sponsored list with paid advertisements or retail stores that have lists of things that you ‘need to have’ so that you register for more stuff.

Basically, I’m overwhelmed already and I’ve only done online shopping.  Next week Logan and I will go ‘test drive’ some strollers and actually walk into some baby stores which I have purposely avoided up until this point.  Fingers crossed we find the perfect stroller quickly and I can go back to the comfort of my computer and never step foot in another one of those stores.

But in better news, baby girl and I are feeling great.  I get to see her in another sonogram next week and have been spending the week looking forward to seeing her again.  I think my favorite part, more than actually seeing her each time, is hearing the heartbeat.  It is the most amazing sound I have ever heard and want to listen to it all the time.  Sometimes when I am thinking about her at night I can start hearing it again in my head which makes me smile.  I’ll buy this princess 50 Wubbanubs if that is what she needs, I just can’t wait to put her in my arms in a few months.

Week 20 - The week we found out that BB is a....

Ever since the day I announced to the world that Logan and I were expecting a baby, the big question that has been asked is if we know if it is a boy or a girl.  I don’t know if it is because people really are curious or if that changes their opinion on how excited they are for the pregnancy, or if it is just something people say.  Just like when you get engaged and people immediately ask, ‘so when is the big day?’  If people were smart enough to know that we wouldn’t know the sex yet, then the next logical question was, ‘so are you going to find out the sex?’  My answer was always the quick Heck Ya we are!  I don’t want a room full of green and yellow onesies.  (Although, that isn’t a bad color combo for my beloved Bulls.)  But then my response is often followed by, oh so you don’t want it to be a surprise?

What do you mean I don’t want it to be a surprise?  Is the only time I can be surprised is when I’m in miserable labor pains to find out what it was all for?  Can’t someone be just as surprised in the sonogram room when you are seeing for the first time what is happening between those baby legs?  I thought it was going to be a surprise either now or later, so what’s the harm in knowing it now?  I can start planning out the nursery, picking out cute outfits and most importantly what we are going to name BB.  Although, BB is growing on me quite a bit and we’ve considered just picking a B name for boy or girl so we can stick to the nickname.

So the time has come, and we are finally going to meet our sweet Baby Boy or Girl.  Leading up to the appointment felt like Christmas did when I was a kid.  The hours couldn’t go by fast enough before our appointment.  Not because I couldn’t wait to start picking out the theme of the room, but more importantly, to ease the anxiety I have been having on whether or not BB is growing at a healthy rate.  I feel like I’ve been in the dark for months.  I get blood work done each week and give urine samples but I never hear anything back.  I know the saying goes no news is good news, but give me something!  If they told me that if I ate 2 bananas a day that my baby would be even healthier then I would add 2 bananas to my diet ASAP.  Luckily, my nerves were calmed at my appointment when everything was measuring right on track; our sweet baby looked great and the dr. didn’t have any concerns with me.  Well… one concern.  My weight.  Still.  I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last visit which is a perfect, however, because I gained so much in the first trimester, I am still 4 lbs over what they want.  Note to self:  STOP SKIPPING THE GYM. 

Now for the big question to be answered.  Is BB a future dancer like mom or baseball player like dad?  (Don’t overthink my stereotyping here.  He/She can do whatever activities they want.)  Logan and I discussed how and when we wanted to find out the news.  We decided we didn’t want to know at the dr. office.  We wanted it to be a private moment that we could share alone.  So we had the tech write down the sex in an envelope for us to open up later.  We headed home from our appointment glowing with excitement that our sweet baby is HEALTHY.  We went out to our patio with Mallory and had a fun discussion about either result and what that meant to us.  We also just talked about how excited we are about this big change in our life.  Then we opened the envelope for the big reveal.  Inside was a sonogram photo with one word written on it.  GIRL.  We are having a sweet little baby girl!

I would love to say that I was in shock when I saw it, but I wasn’t.  I have had this intuition since the day I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to have a little girl.  That with every person who sees me looks at my belly and says, oh yea, you are having a girl.  Even the stranger behind the paint counter at Home Depot suspected that we were having a girl.  I also did all the little wives tales ‘tests’ to see what the sex of your baby will be.  8 out of 10 pointed to GIRL.  Logan was doomed from the start.  He didn’t stand a chance against the fact that there would be a daddy’s little girl to wrap him around her finger.  No more mysteries, no more calling my baby ‘it.’  SHE is doing great and I love talking to HER.  So now the fun really can begin.  I can start thinking names and nursery for our little princess.  I cannot wait to see what the future holds for our family. 

Week 19 – Another pregnancy symptom checked off the list.

So… babies.  They seem to be a lot of work.  (I know, mind blown.)  I’ve been trying to read various baby books each night to help me get mentally prepared for what is going to come.  The one I am reading now, Babywise, is not putting me at ease.  There was a 20 page chapter dedicated to breast feeding.  It covered techniques in holding the baby, latching, how much to feed each time, how often to feed, and the list goes on.  At the end of the chapter I was more confused than when I started.  Why is it that something that is so natural and what we were put on this earth to do, is so complicated? 

I mean, look at any other mammal.  They don’t read books or have coaches telling them what to do.  A male comes up when she’s not expecting it, knocks her up then a few months later she finds a quiet place in the woods gives birth and goes straight into feeding.  No big deal.  It’s just what they do.  Babies grow up just fine (assuming nothing bigger than it kills it.)  They don’t worry about allergies or if it has been 2 hours on the dot since it’s last feeding.  So it makes me wonder, in our age of technology and endless studies, have we made it all over complicated?

 

The other thing that I struggle with is that all of these books are based on opinions.  Sure, they are educated opinions that have a ton of case studies to back it up, but at the end of the day, they are still just someone’s opinion on how you should raise your child.  So how do you know what is right?  And why is it that no matter which way you decide to go, someone else is going to be judging you as a bad parent if you are doing a technique or method that is different than theirs.  And when the child grows older and into a young adult, if they turn out to have issues, it always goes back to what decisions we made when it was an infant and the judging and blame continue.

So while I would like to say that I am able to just toss out these books and say screw it, I’ll just wing it and hope for the best, unfortunately I can’t.  I will continue to read these books, pick out the one that seems to make the most sense to me and still screw up my child in the process.  No matter what method I choose, whether it is on the clock feeding, cry it out methods or something else, my 20 something year old child will end up in a therapist office complaining about their relationship issues and the finger will be pointed right back to me.

In a few days we find out what we are having!

But as of right now, BB and I have an amazing relationship.  BB depends on me, goes everywhere I go and loves the same foods I do.  Maybe this is why some women LOVE to be pregnant.  It is that perfect time where you are completely in control of the unflawed life growing inside you.  I have officially hit the half-way point in the pregnancy which is both scary and exciting.  I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.  BB is now the size of a mango and has developed its 5 senses.  Next week we will find out if BB is a boy or a girl and I CANNOT WAIT!  I am still feeling great as far as my energy level is concerned, but have determined that I will get every possible pregnancy symptom possible.  A new one pops up on a weekly basis. 

This week’s was extra special.  I was at work late in the day when I started to feel unbelievable pain.  My abdomen started to have severe shooting pains; I had sharp pains up and down my right side which lead to shoulder pain and a little bit of numbness in my arm.  My chest was extremely tight making it painful to breath.  I thought for sure, either something is seriously wrong with the baby or I’m having a heart attack.  I left the office early to head to the Dr.  On the way I called Logan in a panic to get the phone number so I could call them.  When I got through to the nurse and described my symptoms she immediately dismissed it.  She said it was gas.  GAS?!  Didn’t you hear me about the numbness and the pain in my shoulder?  ‘Yes ma’am, gas can cause pains even in your shoulder. If it doesn’t go away by tomorrow after taking some gas-x or if the pain gets worse then head to the emergency room.’ 

 

Of course when I got off the phone I called Logan since I’m sure I freaked him out with my hysterical call earlier and he couldn’t help but laugh when I told him what was actually wrong.  The nurse did reassure me that I was not the first woman to call in a panic over this, but that I should be fine.  Other than shame and embarrassment that I am currently feeling, she was right.  I took the medicine and felt relief right away.  One more item I can check off the list as a pregnancy experience.  Thank you once again BB for taking away a little more of mommy’s dignity.  By the time BB arrives, any pride I might still have will be gone and I will be a very humbled woman. 

Week 18 -Flutters

This was another week of firsts for me.  I am finally feeling the baby moving for the first time.  What an incredible feeling this is.  I can see why people have such a hard time explaining what ‘flutters’ are.  It isn’t a kick.  It isn’t something that is overly obvious.  It is very subtle, but it doesn’t feel like anything else that would normally be happening in your belly.  I was worried that I’ve been having baby flutters for weeks now but couldn’t tell if it was a stomach cramp, gas or the baby.  But once I actually felt it, I knew that is what it had to be.

When I felt it for the first time, I was instantly overjoyed not just by being able to feel it, but because of where I was and who I was with when it happened.  Logan and I took Friday off from work so we could spend a long weekend with our friends in Big Canoe.  We wanted to do a little mini vaca to experience what autumn should feel like when you live anywhere other than Florida, see some mountains and relax by a fire with friends.  So Friday afternoon when I got the sensation for the first time, I was outside at a winery enjoying amazing views while my friends sipped on wine instead of at my cubical staring at a computer monitor.  I spent the rest of the day truly glowing with a grin from ear to ear just thinking about our precious BB. 

So how would I describe the flutter feeling?  First, it is a feeling that you get very low in your abdomen.  Well below your belly button just around your pelvic bone.  That was my first indication that it wasn’t gas that you would normally feel much higher in your stomach.  The sensation comes in waves.  It is similar to that tingling feeling that you get when you kiss someone you like for the first time or when you are about to go down a roller coaster.  That tingling turns into a series of subtle movement that runs across very quickly.  I imagine it like the bubbles that you see floating up in a champagne flute.  They are tiny and fast.  Some people describe it as a fish swimming around in the bag when you pick it up from a pet store.  I wouldn’t say it feels like that.  But I could say it feels a little bit like when you throw your line in the water and a fish is nibbling on your bait but hasn’t actually hooked on yet.  No matter how you would describe it – popcorn popping, butterflies, or goldfish – it is an experience that you don’t understand until you have it. 

Now that I do, I don’t want it to go away.  It gives me a connection to BB that I haven’t had yet.  I can’t wait until it turns into actual kicks so that Logan can experience this too.  I am amazing by him on a daily basis.  Each step that we have taken as a couple has brought us closer.  I keep thinking, there is no way I can love this man more than I do right now.  But when he started kissing and talking to my belly and reading the baby books, he took it to a whole new level.  The idea of him being a father gives me a new love and respect for him that I didn’t have before and it absolutely melts my heart.  This baby is going to be here before we know it and I really need to do everything I can to take all of this in.

Week 17 - Let the Nesting Begin!

Something happened inside me this week that was as quick as flipping on a light switch.  I wanted to start getting the house ready for the baby, and I wanted it to happen now.  The mental check list began as I thought about all the things we wanted to get for the house.  Most people would think, you just need to get a crib and changing table and call it a day.  However, we have had a friend living with us for the past 7 months and her furniture was filling in the spaces where we were lacking.  We purchased a home that we could ‘grow’ into overtime.  Well, I’m ready to have a growth spurt.

 

My Living Room 'Inspiration' Photo

Since we don’t know the gender yet, I thought the first place I would start is the living room.  I spent each night after work visiting every website imaginable looking for living room ideas.  For the past 11 years Logan and I have enjoyed using hand me downs from relatives.  I call our family room furniture the ‘divorce collection’ because when my parents ended their marriage I am pretty sure my dad just went to rooms to go, asked for the new bachelor special and they wrapped it up.  While there is nothing wrong with second hand furniture and it has been a life saver when we were living paycheck to paycheck, I was excited to pick something out that is actually my style and taste.

 

Then Logan threw me a curve ball.  After spending endless hours crafting my dream living room, Logan shared with me that he has to have a recliner.  He was putting his foot down.  He will have a chair that he can kick up his feet in, lounge back and preferably also have a cup holder to keep his beer in.  Lazy Boy wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my first decorated adult living space.  Back to the drawing board.  As luck would have it, Pottery Barn must have known that this problem arises in marriages because they make the perfect compromise couch.  It had the fabric and color that I was looking for but also happens to have a built in recliner that is discrete enough for me, but functional for Logan.  Because I ordered it online, I haven’t sat in it yet.  Fingers crossed that it is as comfy as it looks.

 

The compromise couch

 

After the couch purchase was done, I became anxious to get everything else on order.  I’d love to have the living room fully functional before the end of November so that the rest of the year can be focused on BB’s space.  Logan, being the amazing husband that he is, could sense my anxiety.  (I’m sure I was laying it on pretty thick.)  We had a free Saturday and he suggested that we spend the day furniture shopping.  What?  My husband who hates everything about malls and crowded spaces, and has never spent time in a furniture store was willingly giving up a lazy Saturday afternoon of college football to go to thrift stores, vintage shops and furniture stores.  Man did he ever earn some serious bonus points with that gesture.  He let me drag him to 9 different shops, and honestly seemed like he was enjoying it.  No complaining or snide comments, just genuine enthusiasm for our new room. 

 

The coolest place that we visited was a place called the Brocante Market in St. Pete.  It is open the first weekend of every month and vendors from all over bring their cool furniture, décor, books, etc.  We got so many great finds there for our new living space.  I was going to share individual photos of everything we got there but instead, once the living room is done, I’ll show some before and after shots.  I’m a fan of those. 

 

As far as how BB and I are feeling, We are still feeling great!  BB has grown to the size of a sweet potato and weighs about the same as a bar of soap.  I am so excited that in a few weeks we find out if BB is a little boy or girl and am having fun dreaming about our new lifestyle.  Other than some normal symptoms of daily heartburn and some new acne that I heard hormones cause, everything is perfect. 

Week 15 – wardrobe malfunctions

Mmmmm… Guacamole.  Creamy avocado mixed with red onion, cilantro, lime and a pinch of salt.  (That is the simple and amazing recipe from Chipotle.)  I could eat it by the gallon.  I know it sounds like I am just sharing a pregnancy craving.  (I have been making Chipotle a little more regular on my routine.)  But I can’t help but think of the amazing flavor of guacamole every time I think of BB, since it has now grown to the size of an avocado.  We were calling the baby-to-be Pickles for a while but a sweet friend from my small group called it BB during a prayer and that has a little nicer ring to it than Pickles.  I do think Pickles is a fantastic name so don’t be surprised if Mallory gets another puppy playmate one day with that name.  BB is only about 5 inches long and 3.5 ounces but by the way I’m lookin I would think that BB is the size of a butternut squash. (Mmmmmmm… Butternut squash soup.  I need to make that soon.)

This seems about right.

BB’s newest trick is being able to make facial expressions.  It can frown, squint, grimace and wince.  If it is anything like it’s mom it will never be able to wink though.  Just squish up its face in a very uncomfortable unattractive manner that should never be used in flirtation.  If I ever were to try to wink at a boy as a way to flirt in my single days, they probably would have called 911 thinking I’m having a seizure.   Thank goodness I got that sarcastic wit from my dad to get those boys flocking towards me.

My newest trick is my flawless way of having regular wardrobe malfunctions.  On a daily basis I have someone pointing out that they can see my zipper that is down because my belly band isn’t covering it properly.  My favorite happened at a meeting earlier this week where I wore a button down top (not a maternity cut) that when I got dressed that morning looked like it still fit me just fine.  Then I went to a meeting where not once, not twice, but seven times I had the middle button pop open to expose my belly button.  Nothing screams professionalism and class like a woman with her ‘poofy’ midsection exposed.  I ended up spending the whole meeting fiddling with the stupid button hoping that I didn’t give too many people a very unwanted peep show.

Winning

I had dinner with a girlfriend the other night that is also pregnant.  She is about 7 months in vs. my 4 months.  I was very excited about our date because I wanted to compare pregnancy stories and play a little game called who has it worse.  As sympathetic as Logan tries to be during my extreme highs and lows, it is a lot different when you have the ear of someone who is going through the same thing you are.  For this post, we are going to call the friend ‘winner.’  Here is how the conversation went:

Me:  So how are you feeling?

Winner:  I feel fantastic.

Me:  Did you have a hard time during the first trimester?  Nausea?  Tired?

Winner:  No, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects.  I didn’t even feel like I was pregnant until about 6 months when I finally started showing.  Before that everything was the same.  My clothes fit fine, I haven’t had any weird cravings or aversion to food or anything like that.

Me: (looking down at my very showing belly and thinking about the 4 weeks of pregnancy hangover hell that I experienced.)  How has your energy level been?  Have you been able to work out at all?

Winner:  My energy level has been great and I’ve been working out with a trainer since I became pregnant which has really helped.  I just can’t do some of the exercises and they give me modified versions of it.

Me:  (looking down at my thighs that have exploded from the weeks of choosing the couch over the gym because I could barely lift my head after work.)  That’s great!  I’m so glad to hear you have had such an easy pregnancy. (I hate you.  I hate you.  I HATE YOU.)

In all sincerity, I truly am happy to hear that some people really have an easy time with their pregnancy. (Promise, no sarcasm)  The way that I feel some days I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  But misery loves company.  And today I was alone.  Alone in my fluffy, out of shape, exhausted, wonderfully pregnant self.  

I might be focusing on the embarrassing self-loathing moments of pregnancy more than the wonderful part – but that doesn’t take away from the great things that I feel on a daily basis too.  I am going to be a mom!  There is going to be a mini-me running around my house.  It is going to have temper-tantrums, break things, spill things, cry and keep me up all night.  But I CAN’T WAIT!  Whenever Logan kisses my belly and says hi to BB I get more and more pumped about this transition our family is going through.  It is going to be awesome.  So while I might not be winning in the pregnancy competition, I am going to cross the finish line of this race and go home with the best prize ever.

Week 14 – Well, you sure are poofy aren’t you?

This week our baby got to experience a new first.  Our little love child traveled with us to St. Augustine for a music festival and enjoyed its first concert.  What a better way to begin your life then by rocking out to a rock legend like John Forgherty and soon to be legends Mumford and Sons.  I can see it now – our little baby dancing in the womb to Down on the Corner.  The weekend almost seemed like it was tailored specifically to Logan and me because the whole city was covered in mustaches.  If it turns out that Mrs. Cleo was wrong and we end up having a Logan Jr. we might just need to have a mustache themed nursery.
 

While in St. Augustine, Logan and I stayed at a very charming bed and breakfast that was run by a sweet English family.  Saturday morning we woke up and went downstairs to enjoy a freshly cooked meal and some wonderful tea.  It was just what I needed after a long night.  Logan mentioned to the owner that I was pregnant and after the sweet congratulations and her pointing out that she can see my ‘baby bump’ she asked how far along I was.  When I responded with 14 weeks she said, ‘Oh, well you sure are poofy for 14 weeks aren’t you.’  (Make sure you read that in a British accent.)  Really?  I need to keep a log of all the inappropriate comments that I get during pregnancy.  Because that is exactly what I want to hear – how poofy I am.  I am going to start telling people I am 8 months so I can start hearing nice things like, well aren’t you just a tiny little thing.  Or wow, you carry it so well.  Rather than saying I’m poofy or pudging up.  For now, I think I am going to google for an image of the fattest pregnant person to post on my fridge so I can say, well at least I don’t look like that.

Confidence Booster!
Two questions popped up after I found this image.
1.  Why did you post this for the world to see?
2.  What photos of me are out there? 
If I googled 'girl who dances like an idiot'
will I find embarassing photos of me from the Ybor days?