Week 20 - The week we found out that BB is a....

Ever since the day I announced to the world that Logan and I were expecting a baby, the big question that has been asked is if we know if it is a boy or a girl.  I don’t know if it is because people really are curious or if that changes their opinion on how excited they are for the pregnancy, or if it is just something people say.  Just like when you get engaged and people immediately ask, ‘so when is the big day?’  If people were smart enough to know that we wouldn’t know the sex yet, then the next logical question was, ‘so are you going to find out the sex?’  My answer was always the quick Heck Ya we are!  I don’t want a room full of green and yellow onesies.  (Although, that isn’t a bad color combo for my beloved Bulls.)  But then my response is often followed by, oh so you don’t want it to be a surprise?

What do you mean I don’t want it to be a surprise?  Is the only time I can be surprised is when I’m in miserable labor pains to find out what it was all for?  Can’t someone be just as surprised in the sonogram room when you are seeing for the first time what is happening between those baby legs?  I thought it was going to be a surprise either now or later, so what’s the harm in knowing it now?  I can start planning out the nursery, picking out cute outfits and most importantly what we are going to name BB.  Although, BB is growing on me quite a bit and we’ve considered just picking a B name for boy or girl so we can stick to the nickname.

So the time has come, and we are finally going to meet our sweet Baby Boy or Girl.  Leading up to the appointment felt like Christmas did when I was a kid.  The hours couldn’t go by fast enough before our appointment.  Not because I couldn’t wait to start picking out the theme of the room, but more importantly, to ease the anxiety I have been having on whether or not BB is growing at a healthy rate.  I feel like I’ve been in the dark for months.  I get blood work done each week and give urine samples but I never hear anything back.  I know the saying goes no news is good news, but give me something!  If they told me that if I ate 2 bananas a day that my baby would be even healthier then I would add 2 bananas to my diet ASAP.  Luckily, my nerves were calmed at my appointment when everything was measuring right on track; our sweet baby looked great and the dr. didn’t have any concerns with me.  Well… one concern.  My weight.  Still.  I’ve only gained 2 lbs since the last visit which is a perfect, however, because I gained so much in the first trimester, I am still 4 lbs over what they want.  Note to self:  STOP SKIPPING THE GYM. 

Now for the big question to be answered.  Is BB a future dancer like mom or baseball player like dad?  (Don’t overthink my stereotyping here.  He/She can do whatever activities they want.)  Logan and I discussed how and when we wanted to find out the news.  We decided we didn’t want to know at the dr. office.  We wanted it to be a private moment that we could share alone.  So we had the tech write down the sex in an envelope for us to open up later.  We headed home from our appointment glowing with excitement that our sweet baby is HEALTHY.  We went out to our patio with Mallory and had a fun discussion about either result and what that meant to us.  We also just talked about how excited we are about this big change in our life.  Then we opened the envelope for the big reveal.  Inside was a sonogram photo with one word written on it.  GIRL.  We are having a sweet little baby girl!

I would love to say that I was in shock when I saw it, but I wasn’t.  I have had this intuition since the day I found out that I was pregnant that I was going to have a little girl.  That with every person who sees me looks at my belly and says, oh yea, you are having a girl.  Even the stranger behind the paint counter at Home Depot suspected that we were having a girl.  I also did all the little wives tales ‘tests’ to see what the sex of your baby will be.  8 out of 10 pointed to GIRL.  Logan was doomed from the start.  He didn’t stand a chance against the fact that there would be a daddy’s little girl to wrap him around her finger.  No more mysteries, no more calling my baby ‘it.’  SHE is doing great and I love talking to HER.  So now the fun really can begin.  I can start thinking names and nursery for our little princess.  I cannot wait to see what the future holds for our family. 

Week 19 – Another pregnancy symptom checked off the list.

So… babies.  They seem to be a lot of work.  (I know, mind blown.)  I’ve been trying to read various baby books each night to help me get mentally prepared for what is going to come.  The one I am reading now, Babywise, is not putting me at ease.  There was a 20 page chapter dedicated to breast feeding.  It covered techniques in holding the baby, latching, how much to feed each time, how often to feed, and the list goes on.  At the end of the chapter I was more confused than when I started.  Why is it that something that is so natural and what we were put on this earth to do, is so complicated? 

I mean, look at any other mammal.  They don’t read books or have coaches telling them what to do.  A male comes up when she’s not expecting it, knocks her up then a few months later she finds a quiet place in the woods gives birth and goes straight into feeding.  No big deal.  It’s just what they do.  Babies grow up just fine (assuming nothing bigger than it kills it.)  They don’t worry about allergies or if it has been 2 hours on the dot since it’s last feeding.  So it makes me wonder, in our age of technology and endless studies, have we made it all over complicated?

 

The other thing that I struggle with is that all of these books are based on opinions.  Sure, they are educated opinions that have a ton of case studies to back it up, but at the end of the day, they are still just someone’s opinion on how you should raise your child.  So how do you know what is right?  And why is it that no matter which way you decide to go, someone else is going to be judging you as a bad parent if you are doing a technique or method that is different than theirs.  And when the child grows older and into a young adult, if they turn out to have issues, it always goes back to what decisions we made when it was an infant and the judging and blame continue.

So while I would like to say that I am able to just toss out these books and say screw it, I’ll just wing it and hope for the best, unfortunately I can’t.  I will continue to read these books, pick out the one that seems to make the most sense to me and still screw up my child in the process.  No matter what method I choose, whether it is on the clock feeding, cry it out methods or something else, my 20 something year old child will end up in a therapist office complaining about their relationship issues and the finger will be pointed right back to me.

In a few days we find out what we are having!

But as of right now, BB and I have an amazing relationship.  BB depends on me, goes everywhere I go and loves the same foods I do.  Maybe this is why some women LOVE to be pregnant.  It is that perfect time where you are completely in control of the unflawed life growing inside you.  I have officially hit the half-way point in the pregnancy which is both scary and exciting.  I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.  BB is now the size of a mango and has developed its 5 senses.  Next week we will find out if BB is a boy or a girl and I CANNOT WAIT!  I am still feeling great as far as my energy level is concerned, but have determined that I will get every possible pregnancy symptom possible.  A new one pops up on a weekly basis. 

This week’s was extra special.  I was at work late in the day when I started to feel unbelievable pain.  My abdomen started to have severe shooting pains; I had sharp pains up and down my right side which lead to shoulder pain and a little bit of numbness in my arm.  My chest was extremely tight making it painful to breath.  I thought for sure, either something is seriously wrong with the baby or I’m having a heart attack.  I left the office early to head to the Dr.  On the way I called Logan in a panic to get the phone number so I could call them.  When I got through to the nurse and described my symptoms she immediately dismissed it.  She said it was gas.  GAS?!  Didn’t you hear me about the numbness and the pain in my shoulder?  ‘Yes ma’am, gas can cause pains even in your shoulder. If it doesn’t go away by tomorrow after taking some gas-x or if the pain gets worse then head to the emergency room.’ 

 

Of course when I got off the phone I called Logan since I’m sure I freaked him out with my hysterical call earlier and he couldn’t help but laugh when I told him what was actually wrong.  The nurse did reassure me that I was not the first woman to call in a panic over this, but that I should be fine.  Other than shame and embarrassment that I am currently feeling, she was right.  I took the medicine and felt relief right away.  One more item I can check off the list as a pregnancy experience.  Thank you once again BB for taking away a little more of mommy’s dignity.  By the time BB arrives, any pride I might still have will be gone and I will be a very humbled woman.