Week 19 – Another pregnancy symptom checked off the list.

So… babies.  They seem to be a lot of work.  (I know, mind blown.)  I’ve been trying to read various baby books each night to help me get mentally prepared for what is going to come.  The one I am reading now, Babywise, is not putting me at ease.  There was a 20 page chapter dedicated to breast feeding.  It covered techniques in holding the baby, latching, how much to feed each time, how often to feed, and the list goes on.  At the end of the chapter I was more confused than when I started.  Why is it that something that is so natural and what we were put on this earth to do, is so complicated? 

I mean, look at any other mammal.  They don’t read books or have coaches telling them what to do.  A male comes up when she’s not expecting it, knocks her up then a few months later she finds a quiet place in the woods gives birth and goes straight into feeding.  No big deal.  It’s just what they do.  Babies grow up just fine (assuming nothing bigger than it kills it.)  They don’t worry about allergies or if it has been 2 hours on the dot since it’s last feeding.  So it makes me wonder, in our age of technology and endless studies, have we made it all over complicated?

 

The other thing that I struggle with is that all of these books are based on opinions.  Sure, they are educated opinions that have a ton of case studies to back it up, but at the end of the day, they are still just someone’s opinion on how you should raise your child.  So how do you know what is right?  And why is it that no matter which way you decide to go, someone else is going to be judging you as a bad parent if you are doing a technique or method that is different than theirs.  And when the child grows older and into a young adult, if they turn out to have issues, it always goes back to what decisions we made when it was an infant and the judging and blame continue.

So while I would like to say that I am able to just toss out these books and say screw it, I’ll just wing it and hope for the best, unfortunately I can’t.  I will continue to read these books, pick out the one that seems to make the most sense to me and still screw up my child in the process.  No matter what method I choose, whether it is on the clock feeding, cry it out methods or something else, my 20 something year old child will end up in a therapist office complaining about their relationship issues and the finger will be pointed right back to me.

In a few days we find out what we are having!

But as of right now, BB and I have an amazing relationship.  BB depends on me, goes everywhere I go and loves the same foods I do.  Maybe this is why some women LOVE to be pregnant.  It is that perfect time where you are completely in control of the unflawed life growing inside you.  I have officially hit the half-way point in the pregnancy which is both scary and exciting.  I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.  BB is now the size of a mango and has developed its 5 senses.  Next week we will find out if BB is a boy or a girl and I CANNOT WAIT!  I am still feeling great as far as my energy level is concerned, but have determined that I will get every possible pregnancy symptom possible.  A new one pops up on a weekly basis. 

This week’s was extra special.  I was at work late in the day when I started to feel unbelievable pain.  My abdomen started to have severe shooting pains; I had sharp pains up and down my right side which lead to shoulder pain and a little bit of numbness in my arm.  My chest was extremely tight making it painful to breath.  I thought for sure, either something is seriously wrong with the baby or I’m having a heart attack.  I left the office early to head to the Dr.  On the way I called Logan in a panic to get the phone number so I could call them.  When I got through to the nurse and described my symptoms she immediately dismissed it.  She said it was gas.  GAS?!  Didn’t you hear me about the numbness and the pain in my shoulder?  ‘Yes ma’am, gas can cause pains even in your shoulder. If it doesn’t go away by tomorrow after taking some gas-x or if the pain gets worse then head to the emergency room.’ 

 

Of course when I got off the phone I called Logan since I’m sure I freaked him out with my hysterical call earlier and he couldn’t help but laugh when I told him what was actually wrong.  The nurse did reassure me that I was not the first woman to call in a panic over this, but that I should be fine.  Other than shame and embarrassment that I am currently feeling, she was right.  I took the medicine and felt relief right away.  One more item I can check off the list as a pregnancy experience.  Thank you once again BB for taking away a little more of mommy’s dignity.  By the time BB arrives, any pride I might still have will be gone and I will be a very humbled woman.